Starting from Zero (Starting from 1)

“Geez, Justin, it’s kind of a mess,” Tegan commented under his breath as Charlie stepped aside.

“And I’m kinda busy,” I retorted. “There’s a lot to it. You know, genres and languages and stuff.”

“And remembering the alphabet. Hope he’s not in a hurry,” Tegan said, glancing toward Gray, who was in the middle of a conversation with Johnny and Ky in the hallway. “He’s hot, by the way. What’s he like?”

“He’s cool,” I replied nonchalantly before fixating on my cell.

Tegan shot a pointed look at me. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“Dude, you’re the worst liar ever. Are you sleeping with him?”

I bit my bottom lip and gave him a weak smile in response. “Do guys really say ‘sleeping together’? It sounds kind of old-fashioned.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Tegan’s tatted biceps stretched the fabric of his plain tee when he scratched his head. “Is that why we’re practicing here? Or is he Charlie’s connection? Or is Gray how you met Charlie and got us a place to practice and an opportunity to play on a soundtrack? And Johnny’s right. Don’t you think it’s weird as fuck that a band who’s only strung together a few shows at closet-sized venues would be considered for a deal like this?”

“Do you have twenty more questions, or is that it?” I huffed sarcastically.

“Just one more.” He smiled at Ky and Johnny when one of them called his name; then he lowered his voice for my ears only. “What are you hiding? I know you, Justin. And I’ve noticed a few things. You’re never home, you’re always in a good mood, and you’re not spinning in a million directions at the same time. Rory called me the other day to ask about you. He noticed it too.”

“Rory called you?”

“Yeah. He wondered if you’d gotten back together with the dragon or if something happened with Dec.”

“Never and no,” I replied with a universal “yuck” face.

“I didn’t think so. I can’t figure out if you don’t want to say anything because it’s a gay thing and you like to keep your homo activity on the DL, or if it’s something else.”

“I’m openly bi, T. Everyone knows.” Nice evasive maneuver, I mused.

“Oh, please. You make sure no one knows you like to suck dick. It doesn’t go with your image. I know how that goes,” he added with a self-deprecating shrug that defused the harsh words. “You’re out—but when it’s convenient. And it’s mostly convenient for you to admit you’re bi when you have a girlfriend. Just sayin’.”

I rounded on him angrily. “Are you trying to start a fucking fight?”

“No, asshole. I’m just reminding you that I’ve been here from the beginning. We agreed after Gypsy Coma imploded that the only way we could start over was if we were honest with each other. No lies, no secrets. I don’t care who you sleep with. But if your new boyfriend has something to do with this band, you might want to let me know.”

“Hey, T, you gotta see these Elvis records,” Ky called from the other side of the room.

Tegan nodded in acknowledgment before turning back to me. “I want you to be happy, man, but I don’t get any of this. It seems…too good to be true. I hope I’m just being overly cautious. Somebody’s gotta be.”

“I might have forgotten to water your plants a few times, but I’m not completely irresponsible. And don’t forget, you’re the one who told me to call Charlie.”

“Yeah. For social media help. I didn’t think he’d be our manager.” He let out a beleaguered sigh and stepped backward. “Hey, like you said, it’s worth a shot—and maybe this’ll work out. Crazier things have happened.”

“It’s true. T, think about it. If everything falls into place, Zero has a decent shot at being bigger than Gypsy Coma ever dreamed.”

“That would be amazing. Gotta wonder what it’s gonna cost us.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, furrowing my brow.

“Get real, Justin. Nothing’s free.” Tegan gave a humorless laugh. He spread his arms wide as if to encompass the house, the people, the music…and then he moved into my space and tapped my shoulder. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that you avoided answering my questions. I’m gonna let it slide for now, but you’re not off the hook. None of us are. If we’re a band, we’re in this together.”

I stared after him for a moment, wishing I could offer reassurance or a guarantee. But I came up empty. I believed great things could happen here. This was a talented group of guys. We hadn’t been together long, but none of us were novices. We’d paid our dues in other bands. We knew what it was like to play to uninterested hipsters in crappy clubs with worn-out sound systems. But in an age where YouTube videos launched careers for artists performing cover songs from the comfort of their own bedrooms, I had to believe Zero had a shot too.