Starting From the Top (Starting from 5)

He broke off on a sob and lowered his head to hide his face. And yeah, my heart cracked in two. I was so fucking lost, but I had the presence of mind to drive my SUV farther up the street, stopping in front of a tall brick wall covered in ivy. I turned off the engine, then shifted in my seat and laid my hand on his head.

“I’m sorry, Parker,” I whispered. “I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. I could talk to—”

“No. Don’t talk to anyone.”

“If you’re being bullied, I—”

“I’m not. Just ignored,” he sniffed.

Damn it. This was the shit they should cover when you’re going to have children. Teething, crawling, learning to ride a bike or swim…that was easy. What do you do when your kid feels alienated and alone? What do you do when your instincts tell you to follow him and trounce anyone who dares look at him sideways, knowing that won’t solve any problems? My own parents would have told me to be tougher. To be stronger. They wouldn’t have told me I was weak, but the implication was there. Try harder, be braver. Under the circumstances, that seemed like rotten advice.

“I hate to see you unhappy, son.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, drying his tears.

“No, no. That’s not what I meant. Look, I can do a couple of things. I can take the day off work, talk to your teachers, and—”

“No, thank you. That would be terrible.”

“Or…I give you a few tools that might make your day better.” I swallowed hard, then continued. “Go where you feel safe and happy. Talk to people who make you feel safe and happy. I promise you, it gets better.”

He sighed heavily and nodded. “That’s what Johnny says.”

I managed a wobbly smile. “He’s very smart.”

“I know. So if you’re together, you should just tell us.”

Ah, right…the reason he was mad at me. “Well, the thing is…it’s not simple,” I heard myself say.

“Why not?”

“It just isn’t,” I replied lamely.

“Will it ever be? Simpler, I mean.”

I pursed my lips and stared unseeing at the ivy before meeting his gaze. “I don’t know. I hope so.”

“Yeah, me too.” He gathered his backpack again and reached for the handle.

I called his name and waited for him to turn around. “I love you, Parker.”

One second, two seconds…

“I love you too, Dad.”

I watched him shrug his bag over his shoulder, trudging toward the entrance, all sense of urgency gone. My heart shifted uncomfortably in my chest, like broken pieces of porcelain chafing.

And though she was usually the last person I’d call for a lifeline, I scrolled for Fiona’s number and pressed Call.

“Hi, Sean. Don’t worry. I know you’re going out of town. I’m at the airport now. I’ll be in LA this afternoon. If I’m running late, the nanny will pick the kids up,” Fiona assured me in greeting, sounding slightly out of breath, as if she were in the midst of running through the terminal.

“Great.” I shot a quick glance at the posse of kids huddled in a tight-knit group on the sidewalk. I thought I recognized a couple of them, but I didn’t linger. I checked my rearview mirror and inched into traffic. “Hey, I just wanted you to know I’m—”

“Phew! I made it. I’m at my gate. Are you there?” Silence. “Sean?”

“Yeah. Hey, this isn’t a good time. We can talk when we’re both in town.”

“Sounds good. Have fun in Palm Springs.”

I smacked the steering wheel in frustration. Maybe later was better.

12

Johnny

“Why is it so damn hot here?”

Sean adjusted his cap, lowering it slightly, but not quite hiding his indulgent grin. “We’re in the desert.”

Damn, I loved that smile. It had taken a while to coax one out of him on the drive here, so I basked in the sweetness and told myself not to be nosy right away.

He’d grunted just enough info for me to piece together some discord with Fiona. I was careful not to weigh in. First of all, I liked Fiona. She wasn’t the bad guy, and neither was Sean. They had some baggage to unload, but that was between them. Secondly, while I had some opinions and ideas, and they weren’t all terrible if I did say so myself, it wasn’t my business.

I’d wisely stuck to neutral topics on the drive to Palm Springs, entertaining Sean with music and movie trivia. And the moment he’d closed the door of his two-story hacienda-style home, I used other tactics to lure him out of his funk. I dropped to my knees on the cool tile in the foyer and got to work. He cut my enthusiastic blowjob short and led me upstairs to his master suite. I lost my clothes in record time and found myself clutching at the iron bedframe for dear life while he licked and teased my hole before fucking me senseless. I white-knuckled my way through a ferocious orgasm as my lover rode me hard, pulling my hair, biting my neck, and scratching my sides in a frenzy until he finally fell apart.