Hollywood Ever After (Red Carpet 1)

After tucking Will in I flipped off the light and sat on the couch in the suite’s living area. I clicked on my computer, reading through my emails and answering a few before I checked the clock. For the first time in weeks, I was completely alone.

I opened a book and tried to read but fell asleep in the chair. I hadn’t had a nightmare in weeks, but Daniel was there when sleep found me. It was like most of the other dreams I had. I was running and running but never finding a place where I was safe. And when he finally caught up, I could remember how it felt to have my arm cut, broken ribs, and stitches on my ribcage like it was happening all over again, the phantom pain waking me up.

I sat forward, shaking uncontrollably as I tried to chase the images from my head. I ran a hand over my face and paced the room a few times, hoping the panic would fade.

Daniel’s words couldn’t hurt me. I would make certain that my past couldn’t keep spilling over into my present.

Restless, I turned on the bath. I slid into the warm water and enjoyed a very long bubble bath and two tall glasses of wine. By the time the water was cold and the wine was gone, I was feeling much more relaxed.

Tomorrow I was going to have to face some difficult facts, but I could do it. I’d been ridiculously naïve to think that Daniel would let things move on without causing a fight. I didn’t want a fight. I didn’t want anyone to fight for me, over me, or use the kids as an excuse to do so. I wanted to leave this all behind and move on.

My life seemed toxic—an invasive weed that gnawed at my insides and wormed its way into the lives of others. I could send Mom and the kids to Joe’s. Make Josh go away. Remove them from my mess. But I knew they wouldn’t go. And thinking of giving up Josh made my heart hurt.

I let myself cry then. There wasn’t anyone around to see me.

***

/>

My eyes had popped open at five a.m. I’d reached out for Josh but encountered the warm body of Will, curled up and sleeping peacefully. I briefly regretted the decision Josh and I had made, but knew that our sharing a bed wasn’t the kind of example I wanted to set for the kids. So he’d slept in his own room, in his own big bed.

Unable to sleep and not wanting to bother anyone, I’d slipped into my running clothes and headed to the hotel gym. For some reason venturing out onto New York’s unfamiliar streets in the faint morning light wasn’t appealing. I ran on the treadmill for two hours and returned to the room with jelly legs and an exhausted mind.

Everyone was up.

“Wow, Mom, you’re all wet and red.” Will wrinkled his nose.

“When did you leave?” Natalie asked.

“I couldn’t sleep. So I went for a run.”

“Not outside?” My mother stared at me with appalled eyes.

I shook my head. “No. Treadmill in the gym.”

Josh hugged me, regardless of how sweaty I was. “Morning.” He whispered, “Are you all right?”

I nodded. “But I need a shower,” I said and hurried off to the shower.

After a shower, I packed everyone and did a room check. There was nothing left to do, so I went back into the living room of our suite.

I knew I was fidgeting, but I couldn’t sit still. I envied the relaxed stance of my teenage daughter as she flipped through her magazine. Josh and Will were deeply embroiled in a game of checkers and Mom was reading the paper and drinking her coffee.

“What time is our flight?” My mother looked over her paper at me curiously.

I shrugged. “A couple of hours. I’ve already packed everything, so there’s no need to rush.” I paused. “But I did some thinking while I was running. You won’t be going to Texas. You’re going on to California.”

“Really?” Natalie asked, suddenly smiling from ear to ear.

“I have a meeting I have to go to. Then I’ll follow you guys. It’ll take less time if I do it on my own, and I really want to get this over with.”

Josh called out from the floor, “You’ll have your own room in LA, Marty.”

“Oooh, LA.” My mother smiled at him.

I shrugged, halfway teasing as I said, “I was going to suggest you all visit Joe.”

“Or they could come to LA with me.” Josh stood, hopeful.