Hollywood Ever After (Red Carpet 1)

Her face fell then. “I didn’t think of it that way. I’m sorry.” She looked at me then, and I could see her mind reeling to find a new strategy. “But you know that you can’t move on, be you, where you are right now. This deal could help you start over now. No more treading water, as you put it.” She smiled.

“Just because I tell you I’m treading water doesn’t mean I expect you to fix it. Sometimes it’s okay just to listen and be supportive, you know? I’d have been fine with something more traditional, like a card or flowers. Trying to publish what might as well have been my diary is a little over the top.” I tried to sound teasing. I came off sounding frustrated. I felt frustrated. “I have a life. Maybe one you wouldn’t pick, but it’s mine.”

“And you’re happy?”

“I’m getting there.”

“Really? And what about him? You’re okay bumping into the ex-husband every once in a while?” She spoke carefully. “You feel safe?”

I stared at her. I didn’t have to answer. I didn’t have to justify my life or my choices. I didn’t have to admit that every time I saw Daniel I felt the need to run and hide. I felt heat flush my cheeks, her words stirring more of a reaction than I wanted to admit.

“Exactly.” She paused. The next words were delivered rapid-fire, as if she knew better than to say them aloud. “Please stop saying you’re not a victim. I’ve talked to you after too many ‘accidents’ and hospital trips. I know the truth, Claire. He may not have hit you every day. But he did worse. Not just with his hands, but his words. He’s made you question who you are.”

I stared at her, horrified at her words.

Josh’s voice was garbled. “Shannon.” His sudden presence startled both of us into silence. He stood in the doorway, his face pale and his jaw locked.

“Can you give us a minute, please?” I asked softly. I couldn’t meet his eyes. It was too much. Knowing he’d heard… I felt any restraint slipping away.

“I’ll wait for the food,” he murmured, retracing his steps from the room.

My anger was evident as I said, “This is what I don’t want. Damn it, Shannon. Right now you’re changing who I am. Now, no matter what else Josh—” My voice wavered and I took a deep breath to go on. “Whatever he might see, I will always be…damaged.” I took a deep, steadying breath.

“Claire.” Shannon’s voice was full of regret, but I interrupted her.

“If my book is published, that’s what I’ll be to the world. Is it too much to want, for a while, to be me, Claire, without whispers or pity, without the word victim automatically associated with me?”

“It’s not too much. It’s not enough. I’m sorry. I honestly wanted to help you. I thought of the book as a new beginning, a doorway to a new place and time.” Her eyes were bright.

“It’s too personal,” I muttered, shutting down.

“It’s tough, thoughtful, painful, hard to digest and emotionally draining. But it’s brilliant. I think it could mean a lot to survivors like you. Women who need a role model, to learn that escape is possible.”

“I’m not strong enough to be a role model, Shannon.” My voice faded.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re the strongest person I know.”

My cell phone began to ring, but I had no idea where it was. It grew steadily louder. Josh brought it into the room, holding it out. Shannon took it, answering it.

“Hi, Natalie.” Shannon laughed. “She’s here.” Shannon looked at Josh. “No, we’re talking with friends. Yes, she’s made some new friends.”

I knew Josh was looking at me, but I couldn’t meet his gaze. My arms were wrapped tightly around myself as I tried to calm the ache in my chest. My skeletons had been dumped unceremoniously in the middle of my abbreviated fairy tale romance. My past was like that—a cold shower; a slap in the face.

“No, you won’t be able to guess.” Pause. “Josh Wiley,” Shannon continued.

I could hear the screaming where I stood, and smiled in spite of myself. Josh sat on the couch, a sigh escaping him.

“We’re talking about movies and books and stuff.” Pause. “No, I don’t think she’s boring him.”

There was a long pause as Natalie gave Shannon an earful. My gaze traveled from Shannon’s amused face to Josh.

He was staring at the scripts in his lap, obviously uncomfortable. Whether it was from Nat’s squeals or Shannon’s and my argument was unknown. And I wasn’t sure what was more uncomfortable: the fact that he knew my darkest secret, that my daughter knew him and was obviously a fan, or the fact that I was infatuated with him.

I sighed, completely confused and frustrated by the evening’s turn of events.

Josh stood, coming to stand in front of me. He was looking at me with the same intense hazel eyes that made me quiver from the inside out. His hand was soft against my cheek.

Shannon’s voice broke the silence. “No, I didn’t know that. I’ll go to the website as soon as we get off.” Pause. “I want you to come too. Isn’t Spring Break coming up? Let me work on your mom some more.”