Up in Smoke (Hotshots 4)

“Wow.” Brandt licked his parched lips. “Shane...”

“It’s not much.” Shane echoed Brandt from earlier but hell if there was any similarity between stationery and a song that already felt like a memory, lyrics he’d had printed on his soul, waiting for Shane to breathe life into, change from painful to beautiful.

“It’s everything. You did him proud.” He’d done Brandt proud too, but he wasn’t sure precisely how to express that short of falling to Shane’s feet. “You gonna add that to the playlist this weekend?”

“It’s more of a cover band.” Mouth twisting, Shane set the guitar aside. “Could have...never mind.”

“What? Come on, man. Something’s been on your mind.” Brandt couldn’t keep the hurt from his tone. “Can’t you tell me?”

“It’s not that. And it’s nothing.” Eyes going distant, Shane sighed softly. “But remember how Shelby found me in Portland? I was auditioning for a regional slot in a new competition show showcasing singer songwriters. That message the other day was them offering me a spot.”

“You’ve got to take it.” He didn’t have to think about it more than a heartbeat. Didn’t matter how the ground was rushing up to meet him or how inevitable the hard landing would be. “Tell me you didn’t turn it down.”

“Not yet.” Shane’s clenched hands and twisted mouth revealed the truth behind his indifferent tone. “But I will. I can’t leave you in the lurch with the baby.”

“You can’t walk away from a chance like that.” Brandt shifted Jewel to his other arm as he leaned forward.

Shane rolled his shoulders and loosened his jaw. “There will be other chances.”

Liar. Brandt didn’t believe that for a second. He knew full well that some things only came along once. “Not like this one.”

“Exactly. It’s not only a couple of days to go to Portland. If I win at the regional level—and that’s a huge if—then I have to go to LA for who knows how many weeks to let the main part of the contest play out. I’m not sure what I was thinking auditioning, really. I’m not reality show material.”

“Sure you are. You’re hot, young, sing like you’re trying to pull the audience’s souls out, and you can take a story and turn it into...” Brandt still didn’t have words, so he settled for making a sweeping gesture with his free hand. “That. Beautiful.”

“It wasn’t all that.”

“It—”

Jewel cut him off with a hiccupy noise before he could tell Shane how he’d made Brandt see the truth of his own heart, both then and now. And that might be for the best, keeping those feelings to himself, so he didn’t protest when Shane took the baby from his arms.

“We need to get her to bed.” Shane headed for the kitchen, probably in search of the nighttime bottle.

“Okay, but we’re not done talking about this.” Would be nice if Brandt knew what more he was going to say, but no way was he letting Shane walk away from a chance like this.

Shane nodded, but in a way that wasn’t necessarily agreement as he headed to Jewel’s room with the bottle. They worked together in a silence that wasn’t precisely strained but not entirely comfortable as they put the baby to bed. Shane broke the quiet as he softly sang the same older tune he reached for most nights, now familiar lyrics wrapping around Brandt’s heart and squeezing tightly.

And just like that, the song was done, and Jewel was snoozing in her crib, leaving them to tiptoe out of the room.

“That was easy,” he whispered.

“For once.” Shane’s smile was tight, an unreadable intent in his eyes as he stepped closer to Brandt. “Now, where were we?”

Brandt was still trying to decide how best to approach the prior conversation when Shane slid his mouth over Brandt’s, slow and easy, like they’d been planning sex, not talking. And usually Brandt would be all over that idea, but he didn’t want Shane to kiss his way out of an uncomfortable talk. Brandt wasn’t letting him pass up this opportunity.

He moved his head before Shane could claim another kiss. “You’re trying to distract me.”

“No, I’m trying to thank you for a nice birthday.”

“Last year’s was probably better.” Even now, Brandt could hear that laugh, that sound of pure joy. He was glad he’d been able to give Shane that, even for a moment.

“Not hardly.” Serious now, Shane held his gaze. A lot passed between them in that look, all that had happened the past few weeks, all the little moments that maybe did add up to more memories than that one singular moment. “This one was special.”

Shane said the last bit so softly that no way was Brandt denying him when he pulled Brandt closer, looping his arms around Brandt’s neck and pulling him into a kiss that started as a sweet thank-you and morphed into a filthy promise.