Rough Terrain (Out of Uniform 7)

* * *

Inside the tiny airport, Canaan handled all the first-timer paperwork, then Renzo’s friend Roy gave him a personal lesson, going over all the equipment and showing them videos of the jump process. Renzo chipped and inspected each piece of gear as carefully as he would for the team. Roy checked Canaan’s harness and then moved aside for Renzo to do the same.

“You’re going to make one hell of a jumpmaster,” Roy observed. “You kick butt at training, you hear?”

“Will do.” Renzo went over all his own gear as well before they boarded the small plane.

Canaan’s chest swelled. His guy really was the best at what he did. The navy needed him—his team needed him. And Canaan wasn’t ever going to stop being proud of him.

“Okay, now I’m a little nervous,” Canaan confessed as they taxied down the runway, touching the medallion Renzo had given him. He still couldn’t believe he’d done that. It meant more than simply Renzo passing on a lucky charm. It was tangible proof that Renzo did indeed share his vision, was willing to do the hard work of waiting and hoping and sacrificing to make it happen.

“You’re going to do great,” Renzo promised. “How’s your stomach?”

“Empty.” Canaan’s laugh came out shaky. “Didn’t want to take any chances. You can feed me after.”

“Anything you want. Look—there’s the city.”

Roy explained that they were at about three thousand feet and would fly over Imperial Beach and Coronado both before turning toward Mexico and more views. The city he loved so much looked small, fragile almost. And the view offered him a fresh perspective too. From this angle, one neighborhood looked pretty much the same as another.

He loved this place, but he could come to love another too, would find the right place for them, would turn their small speck of space into home regardless of the coast. Roy next showed Canaan his altimeter at five thousand feet, since that was the altitude they’d be opening their chutes. The city and the landscape receded further, a vast space beneath them. The plane leveled out at thirteen thousand feet for the jump over the California desert.

“Great day to jump,” Renzo enthused. He wasn’t wrong. It was a gorgeous day—cloudless blue skies, warm summer air, but not too scorching. But Canaan wasn’t too sure about leaving a perfectly good airplane, no matter what the weather was.

As they readied for the jump, tension tightened each muscle in his body, making it hard to speak and think. He wanted this, wanted to share this with Renzo, but there was no question that it was beyond daunting. Right as he was about to find voice to halt the proceedings, he thought about all the other hard things he’d done—first big show, leaving the band, losing Grandma, school, fighting for Renzo. And the hard things still to come. This wouldn’t be the scariest thing he ever had to deal with. If he was lucky, he’d have Renzo by his side for those things too. And if Renzo said this was safe, then he’d believe him.

“The freefall is forty seconds you’ll never forget,” Renzo said, checking the points of connection on their harnesses one final time. He put his fingers on Canaan’s heart, right below the necklace. “And I’m with you, okay?”

“I know.” Canaan struggled to inhale enough to speak. Having Renzo with him made all the difference in the world. God, he loved this man. And if Renzo could take the leap of faith with him that their future would be worth it, then he could do this. “Somehow I think I may enjoy the video more than the actual jump.”

“Ready?” Roy shouted, about to open the door.

Canaan took a huge breath, released it. “Yeah. Ready.”

“That’s the spirit,” Renzo said into his ear. “I’m so proud of you. Love you.”

The wind came rushing in as the door opened. Roy’s other instructor went first with his student and then it was their turn.

“Ready...set...go!” Roy yelled. Canaan’s feet froze, almost like they’d put roots down onto the metal plane floor. An inch and he’d be falling. And yeah, he trusted Renzo, but making his body move wasn’t easy. But then Renzo, who had done this a time or hundred, moved or shifted and Canaan’s uncooperative feet shuffled and...

Whoosh. There went his stomach on a fast track to the ground, the same swooping sensation he got on roller coasters, leaving his body behind as he hit nothing except air. He’d reluctantly jumped from diving boards before, but that was always a brief plummet. This was different. More floaty. Time slowing down, not speeding up.

Canaan had expected he’d yell like the parachuting videos he’d seen, but he stayed super quiet as the wind rushed up at them. The wind was the part he’d least expected, the way it chapped his face and chilled his arms. Renzo squeezed his hand briefly. They were together, even in this moment. Renzo had his heart, his life, his future. And at that moment, he felt completely centered, right where he was supposed to be, up here with his guy, sharing this.