Heroic Measures (Blackbridge Security 6)

“We’ll talk soon,” she says to Hayden, still not bothering to look in my direction. “Text me your new number once you get your new phone.”

I watch Parker walk away because I just have to, my eyes glued to her back, my heart begging her to look back at me over her shoulder. I’m so fickle. One minute I need her to leave, the next I want her to stay. Maybe I just want her to want to stay with me.

Parker does give a little wave, but it’s directed at her friend. Once again, I don’t exist.

“Want to explain that?” Hayden asks, making my eyes snap in her direction.

While watching Parker, Hayden was watching me, and I know I look guilty. I can feel the heat on my cheeks.

“Is she single?” I ask stupidly, wanting to change the subject but also wanting more information on her. A masochist, remember?

“Parker will always be single,” Hayden says.

My face falls, a reaction I couldn’t control on a good day.

This is not a good day.

I give her a quick nod and walk away.

Chapter 24

Parker

My hands tremble as I press the button on the elevator. My body is still. Anyone looking at me wouldn’t have a clue about the battle in my head or the burn behind my eyes. I’ve been struggling so much lately, Hayden asked me if I was on drugs. My issues with Jude look similar to drug addiction. If that’s not a flashing warning label then I don’t know what is.

She guessed that I was seeing a man at Quinten’s building, and I lied to her and told her I wasn’t. She didn’t believe me, of course.

I knew there was a possibility of running into him when I showed up, but then everything was derailed when I spotted Hayden. She was not supposed to be there.

My apology to her was sincere even though showing up at the Blackbridge office had nothing to do with her. I felt like a complete jerk. Not for darting away so quickly this morning after running into her in the parking garage, but for the thoughts I had.

I was mad, willing to be angry for a long while about her calling Quinten instead of calling me first after what happened to her yesterday, but then the confrontation with my half-brother took place, and what did I want to do?

Jude was the first person that came to mind when I finally made it inside my apartment. He was who I wanted to call. It was his comfort I needed.

I didn’t of course. He made it very clear that what we had was over.

I considered horrible things because my friend didn’t choose me, and then I did the exact same damn thing, and I hate myself for it.

As I climb off the elevator, I realize I didn’t even get to talk to one of the employees at the office about needing help. The altercation with my half-brother left me feeling weak and scared, and although those feelings pissed me off, I’m not fool enough to not do anything about it. I went to the office to ask them if they could do a background check or provide some type of security because the man who accosted me doesn’t know who I am. Even though he thinks I’m my mother or some other woman sleeping with his dad, I don’t know that the clarification would stop him from hurting me if he got angry enough. The fire in his eyes each time I’ve seen him is strong enough that I don’t think angry words are going to be his final move.

I tremble all the way home, scared and shaken. The day hasn’t gotten any better. I’m running on fumes from being up since yesterday morning but taking a moment to rest isn’t possible. The need to escape is like a living thing inside of me.

When I get home, I sit in my car, waiting and watching, trying to determine if the man has come back, but after ten minutes of not seeing him, I risk going inside.

I need to leave, to get away, not only from my half-brother but what I’m feeling inside about Jude. I don’t get tangled up over men. I don’t spend time in my head wondering about what could happen.

I use and discard. I walk away long before I start to form any kind of emotional attachment. It’s how I protect myself, how I prevent becoming exactly like my mother, a slave to a man I could never own, a man who could never love me the way I deserve.

Jude snuck up on me. His smile. The pink in his cheeks when he says something with gumption but doesn’t feel it completely inside. The way his eyes sparkle when I strip naked in front of him. The appreciation he shows my body rather than expectancy.