Perfectly Toxic (Sterling Shore 9)

Chapter 62

BELLA

“How’s the house?” Ruby asks me over the phone as I clock out at the hospital.

I pull out the cards on the four bouquets that arrived for me today, and one by one, I place the pretty arrangements in the rooms of the patients who never have any visitors. Maybe something good will come out of Ethan trying to buy his way back into my life.

He’s been sending them all week, but I’m glad he’s not coming to the hospital himself. It’s tough enough to read the cards. It’d be impossible to not hear him break my heart all over again.

The cards are all filled with endless apologies. It’s not like I expected a declaration of love, but I did tell him how I feel, and it’s become apparent that he likes me, but he’s not in love with me.

Liking me just isn’t enough right now. That picture-perfect image in my head loses more light every day. He’ll stop apologizing when I inform him that he’s a father. He sure as hell won’t send me any declarations of love then.

Somehow, this is all my fault. Somehow, I’m the one blaming myself for Ethan and Star. I’m not even sure if I’m stupid for wanting to believe him, but the logical part of my mind tells me it happened, no matter what he says.

Hard. Stay hard, Bella. It’s not just you that you have to consider anymore, and bad decisions in men result in bad decisions in life.

I was wrong about Ethan when I thought I could weather the storm. He’s more than a little rain and lightning. He’s a freaking savage hurricane.

“I love it. Thanks again for letting me stay there. Why are you getting rid of it?” I ask Ruby, pushing aside all thoughts of Ethan, since they seem to consume me when I allow them to.

“I’m not getting rid of it,” she says as I walk out to my car, leaving behind the tiring day and exhausting thoughts. “I’ve just been staying with Corbin, since his house is twice the size of mine. Sorry about all the uncomfortable furniture. I swapped all my good stuff out with Corbin’s shitty stuff.”

I’ve been so numb that I haven’t noticed the furniture comfort level, but I don’t say that. I’m playing a part, because I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. And I keep asking for favors, slowly whittling away that pillar of pride I’ve kept intact for so long.

All because I can’t be strong and face Ethan again. I doubt I can walk away twice, and until he gives up, I can’t go home.

In truth, I think he just likes the chase. We’ve always been toxic like that. It’s when he has me that he pushes me away, and I do the same to him. Again, that image in my head gets a little dimmer as the light of reality flushes out more of the fantasy.

“If you want me out, just say the word. I promise I won’t be upset,” I say, even though I’ve already told her this.

“Don’t be ridiculous. A house is like a person. If it isn’t shown attention and taken care of, it falls apart. The longer you’re there, the less I have to worry about it sitting empty.”

A house is like a person… Yeah, well, this person apparently needs a new tenant, because I’m falling apart.

“Again, thanks. I promise I won’t be too long.”

“Well, I get it, if that makes you feel any better, but eventually you’re going to have to face your problems head on. Running only gets you so far, and Ethan, for all his faults, would be devastated if he didn’t know he had a kid.”

“I’m going to tell him eventually, Ruby,” I say on sigh. “Just not until I have to. Call me a procrastinator, but the wounds are still just too fresh.”

It’s not the truth of my reasons, but I have enough pride left not to say my true reasons aloud.

She’s quiet for a long moment, but I know something is coming.

“Bella, he cares about you. He’s been driving everyone insane with trying to figure out where you’re staying. I’m not sure how long he’ll keep his distance from the hospital. Corbin talked him out of going there twice already. He’s promising him that they’ll fire you if he shows up and causes a scene, and that you’d never let him save your job again.”

She’s right. I wouldn’t let Corbin save my job again. My pride took one hell of a hit when I let him do it the first time.

“Tell Corbin thanks. Hopefully Ethan will eventually let this fade away. It only took seven days the first time. I guess I should have left it alone then. Don’t worry, he’ll forget all about me soon enough, and life can resume as normal.”

“Until you tell him you’re pregnant,” she states, sounding as though she’s suspicious.

“Of course,” I say flatly, slowly edging back into the cold comfort of detachment.

“Um… okay,” she continues, sounding unconvinced. “You heading to the house now?”

“Not yet. I have a few errands to run, but I’ll be there in about two hours. Need something?”