Illusions That May (Court High 2)

“Please sit down, December.” The first words my dad spoke to me. He put a hand toward the sofa, and I did take it, my puppy bounding over to me.

I scrubbed her behind the ears. “Is this an intervention?” I actually asked them, but no one laughed but me. Rosanna shook her head from the kitchen, gazing away, and my dad’s look could murder.

His frown narrowed his eyes. “I suppose you think this is all funny? Your sister died, you skip town, and this is all just completely hilarious to you? Humorous?”

He almost broke me with that, made those tears fall again, but I refused. I swallowed. “Nothing’s funny about wanting space. I thought you two would be happy.”

“Happy?” they said together, and I swear to God that’d been the first time they were on the same position about anything.

I nodded. “I heard you guys talking. In Aunt C.’s room?” That conversation still chilled me, all the pain that day coming back in a wash, and I shook my head. “I was releasing the burden of me off the both of you.”

The two exchanged a look with each other, and it’d been Aunt C. to close her eyes, come to me. My dad, on the other hand, stood his ground, looking away when he pushed hands into his pockets.

I had no idea what was worse in the next moments, my aunt suddenly groveling before me that what I heard wasn’t true or my dad being completely dismissive. They both came across as just ridiculous, and I wanted to end whatever this was.

My aunt touched my face. “It’s not true, December. I’ve always wanted you in my life.”

Well, she had a shitty way of showing it. I blinked away, and my aunt shot a look at my dad.

“Tell her what she heard was a mistake, Rowan,” she commanded, nostrils flaring. “Tell her you don’t feel that way. Fight for her.”

She called him out, called him right there, and my dad put down his tea, coming over to me.

“Do you want to stay here?” he asked, surprising me. His jaw moved. “Because if you do, I… well, I think it’s best.”

“Rowan!”

“I think it’s safe for you and,” he continued, his eyes av

erting, “I think you should stay.”

My lips closed, surprised at this but not really. I was getting what I wanted, wasn’t I? I didn’t want to go back to my dad’s and under his rules and regulations…

So why did I feel socked in the gut?

I picked up Hershey, leaving my aunt’s hands as I left the room and rounded a corner.

“What is wrong with you?” I heard my aunt cry, physically crying, and I did too, tears pushing through my lids. I touched my head against the wall, only to jump upon hearing a door slam. I assumed it was my aunt, and I was right when I turned my head. She’d left, only my dad and Rosanna in the room.

“Make sure you watch her,” he said to her. “That she’s safe, and Hubert will be looking out for her too. And let me know… well, anything. Just anything, and if she needs anything… yes, you know.”

How he pretended to care even now, still pretending.

I closed my eyes again.

Twenty-One

December

We cruised slowly toward holiday break, twinkling lights lining the streets and restaurants in Maywood Heights. People were preparing for the season, gearing up, and meanwhile, I was attempting not to have a nervous breakdown. I started getting anxiety after that meeting with my aunt and dad, it all getting worse, and I felt more and more buried under homework and stress. While others were getting psyched for their holiday parties and final exams, I was freaking out. I had a feeling graduation in the spring wouldn’t be an option for me, and it wasn’t like I cared much, but it was literally all I had. Lunches were filled with banter about what schools people were going to next year, and I just got to sit with my vegan chili, watching it all happen around me like I wasn’t a part of my body. I watched life continue on while I became more and more dead inside, and I hated it. I hated everything. I was even starting to feel a certain way about Rosanna. I knew she was looking out for me, but after that confrontation at the house, I felt like I was being watched. Like if I stepped out of line or did something off, she’d immediately report said thing to my father. It was making me hella paranoid, and that lingered amongst what used to be a pretty easygoing relationship. Nothing visibly changed between us, but I felt it inside. I was starting to feel not welcome in her house because of the feeling. Especially since holiday break was coming up and her daughter would be returning from school. I figured once that happened, I’d be reverting to the couch or something, a nuisance in her house, and I hated that feeling.

“Did you ask your dad about… well, you know?” I asked Birdie at the beginning of second period one day. We’d taken our seats in Mr. Pool’s class.

I knew her answer before she even said anything.

She played with her pen, leaning in. “I’m sorry. I asked about you staying over break, but Dad’s still being weird. Maybe it’s because we’ll have a lot of family coming through? Anyway, you can always stay the night, though. Anytime you want. You know that.”

I had a couple of times, and her dad was really cool, which was why I was surprised he kept saying no about an extended stay. I mean, it was his house and stuff, but he literally bent over backwards when any of the girls or I came over to Birdie’s house. He was the epitome of a single dad trying to take care of his baby girl, made us food and always asked us if we needed anything.