We The Pretty Stars (Court High 4)

“How are you holding up, Paige?”

I opened my eyes, unable to fucking breathe. Pressing my hand to the office’s window, I stared outside. People were across the street in a park, people together and just chillin’. One couple pushed a baby in a stroller. They were together, not thinking about anyone else or fucking drama.

“Paige… I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore. It’s… It’s not right.”

“Paige?”

My lashes flashed, and I turned, my breath stolen away again. Lena stared at me, expectant. She told me to call her that. Not my counselor anymore since freshman year.

“What?” I asked, bracing my arms. She’d said something to me.

The woman’s smile was slight, her eyes always warm as she lounged back against her desk. “I asked how you’d been holding up. You came to see me. Gosh, it’s been years.”

It had been years, enough for me to notice. I should have come to her sooner. I should have come to her before things got so deep.

But that’s not why you’re here now.

The reason was stupid, incredibly, and I realized that the moment Lena left her desk and approached. I couldn’t look at her directly in the eye, so close to someone else’s…

“I’m sorry.” I really was dumb, and I left, needing to breathe. I needed to get out of there.

Why can’t I just let go?

I didn’t want to, anger and fury filling me. The betrayal was suffocating, my own damn fucking fault. I should have known that’s where this would go. I wasn’t worth it to anyone.

I wasn’t worth fighting for.

Certain of that now, I passed Lena and forced myself to let go of a lifeline. I needed to let go, so obsessed I had to see Lena. She’d been my friend, but that’s not why I came to her. I wanted something, selfish for needing only one last look of those eyes. They weren’t mine to look at, to have. That fact had been proven to me, and I had to accept that.

“Paige, wait.”

I clipped my old counselor’s shoulder, Lena, on the way out. Me coming in here like I did, then leaving wasn’t fair to her, but I didn’t fucking care. There’d be no more hurt after I left this room, only pain.

There’d only be revenge.

I slammed the door to the downtown practice, leaving the building as quickly as I’d come. I was so happy I’d come to see Lena in the end. I’d needed a reality check.

I needed one last goodbye to those eyes.

Six

The present

December

I drowned in a sea of images, reality I forced myself to take in. I had to see the truth. I had to experience it, and doing so ripped me apart, each and every image I forced myself to thumb through. I had to see it all, though. I had to be shown the truth, and sometimes, yeah, Royal had to turn those pages for me. Sometimes, he even had to hold me up just for me to see those images, but I was there for every one. I was there for the story.

I was there for this new reality.

He showed me pain. He showed me trauma, and every moment he made sure to remain stronger than me. He soldiered on through my screams, held me through my terror, and told me the story.

No matter how much it broke him too.

He told me there was tearing at one point, physical evidence of forced entry discovered via the autopsy. There were no photos of this, but Dr. Felton had left detailed notes, ones Royal talked about before he allowed me to read the notes myself. He’d been absolutely shaking when he told me about the evidence, and reading on, I understood why.

The vomit came right behind.

It came in a never-ending wave, Royal holding me the whole time while I let it out. I filled probably two trash cans, the tearing noted to be between my sister’s legs when I made it that far in the notes.