The Making of Matt (Souls of the Knight 3)

He’d better still be here to let me back in, I thought as I made my way to the elevator. Still barefoot when I reached the ground floor, I paused by a fake potted palm tree and pulled on my shoes. My heart raced as I made my way to the parking lot. A small part of me wished my car was still in the garage so I could use it as an excuse not to go. I was about to make either the best or worst decision of my life, and as I slipped inside my car, I was certain if I hit just one bump in the road I would literally shit my pants.

Don’t fuck this up, Alex.

When I reached the gates securing Matt’s house I stuck my arm out of the car window, my fingers stuttering over the keypad, unable to decide if I had the right to let myself in anymore. There was also a slight fear nibbling away at my subconscious that if I walked in unannounced I would find Matt drunk and balls-deep inside some woman. That was, after all, his default response to stressful situations and it was one of the main concerns preventing me taking this, whatever this was between us, further.

Eventually, I decided to open the gates myself but then buzz when I reached the front doors instead. A fire erupted inside my chest as the huge, ornate gates began to part with a soft whir. I drove up the long, winding path to his house trying to imagine the different scenarios I could be about to walk into. He’ll have been drinking, for sure. Drunk Matt, I could cope with. Matt fucking someone else? Just the thought forced a little crack to form in the center of my heart. Even though I’d pushed him away, something I was still trying to convince myself was the right thing to do, it would still sting to know he’d moved on so quickly after all the things he’d said to me. Actually, screw sting. It would’ve broken me.

As I put the car in park, the images rolling around in my head were almost enough to make me turn around, but as I contemplated taking the easy way out and running away, Matt’s front door began to open.

It hadn’t occurred to me when I opened the gates that he would’ve got an alert inside the house. It sparked a shred of hope in my nervous heart. If he’d been ‘busy’, he either wouldn’t have heard it, or if he did, wouldn’t be bothered to acknowledge it. The amount of time we spent paralyzed, Matt leaning casually against his open door while I sat nervously with my hands locked around the wheel, became immeasurable. Seconds felt like hours as we stared at each other from a distance, each of us too nervous to make the first move. With my eyes never leaving his, I clicked off my seatbelt and wound my fingers around the door handle, struggling to find the courage to open it.

“You gonna sleep out there, or what?” Matt called, cocking his head. His damp hair stuck to the side of his face and I tried to focus on it to distract myself from the fact he wore only a pair of faded black jeans and a silver chain around his neck. One glance at his gloriously athletic chest and I would forget everything I came here to say. “I can grab you a blanket?” The sound of his gruff voice set my nerves alight with apprehension, but at the same time compelled me closer to him. His voice wasn’t enough. I needed to see him. Feel him.

With a forceful swallow, I clambered awkwardly out of the car, turning to lock it manually with the key. I loved my car, but the poor girl didn’t quite fit with the grandeur of its current surroundings. “Can I come in?” I asked hesitantly, my gaze sweeping the floor. Shit. Even his naked feet had me wondering what they would feel like draped over my shoulders.

“That’s not a question you ever need to ask,” Matt said with a disapproving frown, his chest rising and falling heavily as he stepped aside to let me pass him.

The heat from his body as I brushed past him cascaded through my veins like electricity. I wanted him, needed him so badly… but I was afraid. “I wasn’t sure after, well, after everything.”

I’d spent so much time in this house, treated it as my second home, but as I walked diffidently through to the great living room, I felt like a stranger. I waited until Matt offered me a seat on the couch before perching gently on the edge of it with my knees pressed together. I ran my clammy hands up and down my jeans, trying to keep my fingers busy so I didn’t reach out and pull Matt into my arms.