The Making of Matt (Souls of the Knight 3)

A sad smile crawled onto my face. “I need you to know that I didn’t intend to hurt you, or push you away. I have kept something from you, but only because I thought it would upset you, that you wouldn’t believe I’d changed. But…I just ended up hurting you more.”

“It’s to do with the girl in the club isn’t it?”

“Yes,” I answered on a heavy exhale.

“Did you screw her?”

“No, but I tried.”

Crushed, Alex’s face crumpled. I tried to reach out to him but he shook his head, inching away from me. Shame and guilt making my voice wobble, I went on to tell him everything in excruciating detail. By the time I’d finished, Alex’s cheeks were damp with tears and I hated myself for creating them.

Sawyer was right. I am a fucking idiot.

“I thought you didn’t want me, that you’d never believe I could change. But I have, Alex. I swear to God I have. I tried to go back to life before you and I couldn’t.”

“Why the hell didn’t you just tell me, Matt?”

Right now, I have no fucking idea.

“I know your history, I know you. Yet I fell in love with you all the same. That night, even I didn’t think we could work. We weren’t together. I pushed you away. You should have told me.”

“I know. I was…I was just so afraid.”

“And you’re still giving her money?” he asked, sounding as baffled as Sawyer.

“I don’t expect you to understand, but I’d like you to try. I didn’t the night I met her, but I’ve fucked and forgotten so many women in my life without giving them, or their circumstances, a second thought. If I hadn’t already been in love with you, I could’ve just as easily done the same to Mindy. I might not be the father of that baby, but now she’s involved me I can’t sit back and watch her crumble. I’m sorry, I don’t want to upset you again, but I just can’t.”

“I get it.”

“You…you do?”

“You’re a good man, Matt. You have the biggest heart. You hide it underneath all that bravado but I see it. I’ve always seen it. Just…don’t ever lie to me again.”

“Wait, are you…” Emotion swelled in my throat, clogging my words. “Are you saying this isn’t over?”

Sitting closer to me, he placed a gentle hand on my knee. “I’m saying I love you, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.”

“I’ll probably fuck up again. I always do. I can’t seem to help myself.”

“Good thing we’ve got Uncle Sawyer to mediate for us then, huh?”

I smiled, still feeling too shitty to laugh.

“You need to let go of your past, Matt. Stop thinking I see it as a threat. I love you. I trust you. You don’t need to keep trying to prove yourself to me. You did that the first time you let me suck you off right here on this couch.”

“And you say I’m not romantic,” I teased, chuckling weakly. “What about the dog?” I added, craning my neck to seek him out. The little shit was in the middle of chewing an impressive hole in the curtains. “I know I got him for all the wrong reasons, but…he’s here now.”

“You mean Bruce?”

“Bruce?”

“Yeah. I think he looks like a Bruce. We’ll need to put his bed in our room so we can watch over him at night.”

“Our room?”

Moving even closer, Alex took both of my hands in his, cradling them on his lap. “It seems to me that it’s too easy for us to run away when things get tough, and when that happens we stop talking. We let things fester, usually until Sawyer gets all parental on our asses and forces us to behave like adults.”

“What are you saying?” I thought, or hoped, I knew, but I needed to hear the words.

“I’m saying whenever we’re apart I’m miserable. I don’t want to be alone anymore, Matt. I want to be with you, always. I want to go to sleep and wake up with you every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want there to be anywhere for us to hide. I’m saying I want us to live together. Officially. You, me, and little Bruce.”

Jumping onto his knees, straddling him as I pushed him back onto the couch, I claimed his mouth with mine. I kissed him desperately, pouring my emotions into him, attacking his mouth like I’d stop breathing if I didn’t. I told him I loved him with that one kiss; that I’d always love him, care for him, fight for him every fucking day of my life.

“Is that a yes?” he whispered, breathless. “Can I move in with you?”

“Let’s go to bed. To our bed.”

Grinning devilishly, Alex pushed me off his knees and rolled me onto my back. “I can’t wait that long. I’m going to fuck you right here, right now.”