Riven (Riven 1)

Just keep looking at Theo.

Theo was addressing the crowd, but I didn’t hear a word he said. Then he bumped my shoulder with his fist, a friendly, affectionate gesture, and smiled at me. And everything came rushing into focus. I could hear the audience yelling, I could feel the heat of the lights blazing down on me, and I could see the front rows of people pressed against the rail around the stage, the broad shoulders of security guards with their backs to us. I could see the people in the balconies, and the sound booth nestled into the middle of the crowd.

It was real, suddenly. It was all real.

“So, uh,” Theo said, seeing I needed a second. “We wrote this together. And writing with Caleb was an honor. But, uh, don’t do what Coco said and tell us what you think on social media, because then we’ll get all nervous to play it for you.”

Laughter, cheers, and awwws from the crowd.

Theo had a way about him that got people in the palm of his hand. He was human but glamorous; effortlessly cool but vulnerable. Watching him, before he’d even sung a note, it was absolutely clear to me how he’d become a star.

He raised an eyebrow at me and I took a deep breath. Then I closed my eyes, and started to play. The opening was intricate, and I was thankful to have something to concentrate on. But then Theo joined in, strumming along, and it all went away. I was right back to how it had always been. This swanky arena might as well have been a dusty bar; those thousands of people might as well have been the fifteen people I’d first played for. Because I was in it.

When Theo started to sing, people began to cheer, and I opened my eyes because I couldn’t not watch Theo Decker sing our song onstage. I’d heard him sing it before, of course, but I’d never heard him perform it, and he wrapped his velvet voice around that verse in ways that tied me up in knots.

The chorus was a harmony and when I added my voice to Theo’s, the crowd cheered more. Then it was my verse, and I opened my mouth and prayed to a god I didn’t fuckin’ believe in to just let the notes leave my throat.

And they did.

With every note, every word, every chord, I was building something that I’d feared was lost forever. And when we hit the final note, and our voices rang out into the arms of the auditorium, I felt as strong and alive as I had ever felt. Theo grabbed my hand and the sound of the crowd cheering—cheering for us, for our song—blew through me, inflating me like a balloon.

“Caleb Blake Whitman!” Theo said into the mic. Then I followed him offstage the same way I’d followed him on, only this time, I wished I could stay under those lights, held in the crowd’s embrace all night.

* * *

—

We might have teleported back to the hotel for all that I was aware of what happened between the time we left the venue and when we stumbled up the stairs and fell against our door, kissing like we could swallow each other whole. As I watched Theo perform, pieces were shuffling into place: in my head, in my gut, in my chest—all of it forming me into a different man. A man who had been ruined and remade so many times he should have been dust, but instead was luminescence. I stood backstage, glowing with the warm certainty that my life wasn’t over. That I hadn’t screwed up irreparably. That maybe—just maybe—I could have this. Give myself what I wanted, and still have the ability to give Theo what he wanted, too. Give us a life. A future.

Theo’s mouth was on mine, and he pressed me into the door rather than opening it. I slid my hand up the back of his sweaty shirt to feel the raw heat of his skin, and he latched onto my neck, sucking hard. I groaned at the knowledge I’d board the plane the next day with the evidence of his desire etched on my skin.

“Get inside,” I muttered, about four seconds away from dropping to my knees in the hallway.

“Oh fuck,” he muttered. “Fuck yes, I will.” His eyes raked me, and it was clear what he wanted. He grabbed my ass and shoved the key into the lock, pushing me inside as the door swung open.

“Get your clothes off and get on the bed,” Theo said, struggling out of his own clothes. He watched me so intently I felt myself flush, like he could flay the clothes right off me. I stripped out of my sweaty clothes and sat on the bed, legs spread wide, stroking myself lightly as Theo stood transfixed.