Oryx and Crake (MaddAddam 1)

"You don't understand me, Jimmy."

"But I want to."

"Do you?" A pause. "These are such good soyafries. Just imagine, Jimmy - millions of people in the world never ate fries like this! We are so lucky!"

"Tell me." It must have been her. "I won't get mad."

A sigh. "He was a kind man," said Oryx, in a storytelling voice. Sometimes he suspected her of improvising, just to humour him; sometimes he felt that her entire past - everything she'd told him - was his own invention. "He was rescuing young girls. He paid for my plane ticket, just like it said. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. You should like him!"

"Why should I like such a hypocritical sanctimonious bastard? You didn't answer my question."

"Yes, I did, Jimmy. Now leave it alone."

"How long did he keep you locked in the garage?"

"It was more like an apartment," said Oryx. "They didn't have room in their house. I wasn't the only girl they took in."

"They?"

"Him and his wife. They were trying to be helpful."

"And she hated sex, is that it? Is that why she put up with you? You were getting the old goat off her back?"

Oryx sighed. "You always think the worst of people, Jimmy. She was a very spiritual person."

"Like fuck she was."

"Don't swear, Jimmy. I want to enjoy being with you. I don't have very much time, I have to go soon, I need to do some business. Why do you care about things that happened so long ago?" She leaned over him, kissed him with her Nubbin-smeared mouth.

Unguent, unctuous, sumptuous, voluptuous, salacious, lubricious, delicious, went the inside of Jimmy's head. He sank down into the words, into the feelings.

After a while he said, "Where are you going?"

"Oh, someplace. I'll call you when I get there." She never would tell him.

Takeout

~

Now comes the part that Snowman has replayed in his head time after time. If only haunts him. But if only what? What could he have said or done differently? What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much.

Don't go. Stay here. At least that way they would have been together. She might even have survived - why not? In which case she'd be right here with him, right now.

I just want some takeout. I'm just going to the mall. I need some air. I need a walk.

Let me come with you. It's not safe.

Don't be silly! There's guards everywhere. They all know who I am. Who's safer than me?

I have a gut feeling.

But Jimmy'd had no gut feeling. He'd been happy that evening, happy and lazy. She'd arrived at his door an hour earlier. She'd just come from being with the Crakers, teaching them a few more leaves and grasses, so she was damp from the shower. She was wearing some sort of kimono covered with red and orange butterflies; her dark hair was braided with pink ribbon, coiled up and pinned loosely. The first thing he'd done when she'd arrived at his door, hurrying, breathless, brimming with joyous excitement or a very good imitation of it, was to unpin her hair. The braid went three times around his hand.

"Where's Crake?" he whispered. She smelled of lemons, of crushed herbs.

"Don't worry, Jimmy."

"But where?"