Enchanting Sebastian (Big Sky Royal 1)

“Go ahead,” Sebastian says, holding onto my hand. “Say whatever is on your mind.”

“I’m so angry at you,” I begin. “For a thousand different things. For being a shitty mom, and for treating us like we were a meal ticket instead of your children. For making me feel guilty every single damn day of my life because you thought I should do more for you.

“And I’m angry at you for dying.” I swallow hard. “You’re going to miss so much, and I don’t even know if you would have cared. I mean, your son is an Oscar-winning actor, and your daughter is a successful publicist and married a freaking prince, and you didn’t care. Not really.

“So, yeah. I’m angry. And I’m a little sad. I wish you’d been a happier person. I wish your life had been different, and you could have been happy. So I’ll just say this: I hope that wherever you are now, you’re finally at peace in your own mind and in your heart, Mom. I really do wish that for you. Because you were a tortured soul, and that had to be exhausting.”

I take a deep breath, pulling in the salty ocean air.

“How do you feel?” Sebastian asks.

“Better,” I admit. “I should have said some of that when she was alive.”

“You didn’t know she’d be gone so soon,” he says. He’s been amazing about soothing me. Trying to calm me. Just being available to listen. “And I truly believe that what they say is true, that everything happens for a reason.”

And just like that, he’s pissed me right off.

There’s going to be hundreds of platitudes from strangers. I don’t want them from Sebastian.

I’m just so angry.

But I don’t want to snap at him because he’s been so good to me. So swoony. So loving.

“You’re quite patient with me, you know.”

He smiles and kisses my forehead. It’s started to rain, but it’s warm and feels good.

“It’s not difficult to be patient with you.”

I frown. “Maybe you’re a little too calm.”

He raises a brow. “Someone has to be calm.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I pull away from him, ready to have a fight. I want a fight. I don’t care if it sounds fucked up, or that I most likely need about ten years of therapy.

Bring it on.

“That in times of crisis, someone has to stay calm,” he explains.

“We’ve all been pretty calm, considering. And I appreciate you being nice to me.”

“Darling, being nice to you isn’t a chore.”

“Okay, I don’t know what your problem is.” I pace away from him in the sand, in the dark and the rain. It’s the middle of the night, and I’m starting a fight with a prince on the beach, but I don’t give a shit. “I don’t understand how it is that I’ve told you I don’t love you, and here you are, acting like the dutiful husband.”

“I am your bloody husband.”

“I know that!”

“And I told you before, you don’t control my feelings.”

“Why in the world would you fall for someone you’re going to divorce in the next couple of years?” I demand. “Why would you do that? We’re not supposed to fall in love with each other.”

“Are you saying you’ve fallen in love with me?” he asks.

“No,” I lie, raising my chin in the air. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Well, I’ve fallen in love with you.”

We’re breathing heavily, yelling at each other, soaked to the bone.

I’m seething.

“How dare you?” I step to him, and before I can stop myself, I slap him right across the face. “How fucking dare you?”

I can’t stay here another second. I turn and run down the beach, running away as fast as my feet will carry me through the sand and surf. I can’t see well through my tears and the darkness, but I don’t care.

I need to get away.

I don’t hear anything but the rush of the water and the blood in my ears. I glance back to see that Nick’s running after me.

Not Sebastian.

Nick.

Jesus, what have I done? Why do I always ruin good things?

My lungs are burning now, but I don’t care. I don’t want to stop.

But I trip on something in the sand, and I fall hard, banging my chin on a piece of driftwood.

I see stars when Nick catches up with me.

“Nina?” he demands as he falls to his knees beside me and takes my shoulders in his hands. “Talk to me, are you hurt?”

I can’t answer him. I can hardly see him through my tears. I manage to nod my head, but I don’t know what hurts worse.

My chin, or my heart.

“Did you trip?”

I nod again. Jesus, Nina, get it together.

I feel like I’ve broken apart and I can’t put myself back together again.

“Come here,” Nick says, pulling me up into his arms, cradling me and carrying me across the beach. He starts to walk back to where I left Sebastian standing on the sand. “There, there, princess. It’s going to be okay.”