Four Keeps

I wish I could read what people are saying. I’d love to get America’s consensus on the men, especially Caleb and Gerard, but I understand why the show doesn’t want the outside world to intrude on my firsthand impressions.

Also, honestly, I probably don’t want to read what viewers are saying about me. I’ve seen the brutal comments people have posted during other seasons, and in order to function on this show, I need to forget about the haters that are surely out there watching and judging me.

I consider sending Caleb and Gerard home, but I’m not sure I one-hundred-percent trust Johnny’s accusations. I want to give the men a fair chance, though I definitely have my guard up now. After I make that decision, I also remember that Caleb already has a ring that I gave him at the pool party, so I couldn’t send him home this week if I wanted to.

Natalie is fine with the four men I do want to send home, so we move on to walking through a mock ceremony. Cameras are in place, but crew members stand in for the men. Apparently, I’m not allowed to see the actual men until the ceremony, and in the meantime, they’ll conduct their own rehearsal separately. As a fan, it’s interesting to learn about all of these things that go on behind the scenes of the show.

Despite all of the rehearsals, when it’s time for the real ceremony the next day, I’m nervous. Maybe it’s because the crew suddenly looks much more serious. There’s definitely a lot of tension in the air.

From my position in an adjoining room, I can see that the men are already in place for the ceremony, and most of them look nervous too. For once, Blake Barrows isn't on his phone, but he still doesn’t talk to me.

“You’ll do fine,” Natalie says as she adjusts the mic pack that’s inside the back of my gown. “Just watch for your cues, and don’t rush.”

When the time comes, Blake goes out first and says a few words to the men before turning to welcome me. From the moment I walk out, the whole thing feels like an out-of-body experience. I see Blake, twenty-two men all so handsome in their suits, and the velvet-covered tray, though tonight it only holds sixteen commitment rings. Eighteen men will be staying, with Caleb and Marcus already wearing rings they received during the dates.

The rest of the ceremony is a blur. A crewmember displays names on cards, I call out the names and hand out the rings. Afterward, I don’t even remember who I called first, who I called last, or who kissed me, though several of the men did.

We have to take a break for commercials to air before I hand out the final two rings. Finally, it’s time to call the very last name, and then it’s over.

The men who are leaving come up to say goodbye, and to my relief, none of them seem very bothered to be going.

Then Blake, always so warm and friendly while the cameras are on, asks how my journey is going. “Do you think your special man is right here in this room? Is there someone here who could be yours, for keeps?”

I look out at the remaining men. Johnny catches my eye first, then James, Marcus, Xavier, Christian, and Caleb, the sight of the rancher causing a pang in my chest.

“I think so, Blake. I hope so.”

“Well, you’ll have more opportunities to get to know them better this week. There’s a fun group date coming up, and another one-on-one date after that.” Blake turns to another camera. “Who do you think Olivia should take on her next one-on-one? Let us know on twitter with #forkeepsdates.”

After Blake signs off, there’s a collective sigh of relief. The first live ceremony went well, as far as I can tell. Natalie ushers me into another room as the men are led out in the opposite direction.

“The public won’t be picking my date, will they?” I ask. I don’t recall ever hearing Blake ask for viewers’ input before.

“No, but that’s a great idea.” Natalie has a sparkle in her eye, and I instantly regret my question. “Who are you thinking of for next week’s one-on-one?”

I had been thinking of asking Caleb out, but the idea doesn’t sound quite as appealing now. Casting through a mental list of the men, I land on James, the New York City investment manager. At first, something about him made me wary, but he kept me warm at the pool party while also making me laugh. What more does a woman need from a man? Well, I can think of one more thing, and from what I’ve seen of James in his swim trunks, he has that item covered too.

12

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