I’m frustrated, because I want to give back some of the pleasure he gave me, but I also know that production probably won’t be patient much longer. I need to catch a flight to New York, but I don’t want to leave.
31
Don’t limit life’s possibilities
On the way to the airport, I’m tempted to tell Natalie that I want to cancel my date with James, because I can’t imagine sending Xavier, Samuel, or Caleb home. But the thought of not seeing James is painful in itself, so I keep my conflicted thoughts to myself.
Thankfully, the fresh air and horseback riding – not to mention this week’s nonstop schedule and the lovely orgasm Caleb provided – have me falling asleep shortly after takeoff on the flight to New York.
I’m still groggy upon arrival, but the energy of the city quickly rouses me. It’s my first time in Manhattan. I’ve been to Los Angeles, of course, but the vibe in the east coast city is so different, and life moves at a completely different pace here. Everyone seems to be in a hurry with important places to go.
I meet James in Central Park, where a horse-drawn carriage is waiting for us. It’s the kind of fairy-tale setting I’ve seen in countless movies, and I wish I could enjoy it fully without my upcoming decision weighing on my mind.
James, handsome in dark jeans and a blue shirt, greets me with a kiss. “I’ve missed you. How’s your week going?”
“So busy. I don’t even know what day it is.”
He laughs and tells me that it’s only Tuesday. My stomach tightens with dread as I’m reminded that I only have three days until the commitment ceremony.
Inside the carriage, James holds me close, and I can’t ignore how good it feels to be with him, but that feeling only adds to my conflict. I was hoping it would be clear that he’s the one I need to let go, but being with him feels so right – just like it did with the other three men.
It’s not long before he senses my turmoil. “Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?” he asks, pulling back to study my face.
“I’m okay. It’s just a lot right now.”
He strokes his thumb across my bottom lip before delivering a tender kiss. “I wish I could make things easier for you.”
I allow myself to take comfort in his arms for a few moments before resolving to push aside my worries. I’m here to enjoy a day with James, and to try to figure out if he’s the one for me, and I can’t do that while I’m preoccupied with indecision. I’ll have time to think about everything during my flight back to California.
Turning my focus to the scenery, I say, “Is this what your life is like? A blissful ride in the park every day?”
He smiles. “This is my first carriage ride, actually, and it wouldn’t be nearly as blissful if you weren’t here.”
I snuggle closer and rest my head on his chest. “I can’t get over the size of this park. I never imagined it was this big.”
“I know. You’ve got to give props to the city planners. I’m not sure people could live in this city without being able to use this space to decompress.”
Back at home, I can easily go to the beach and sit at the ocean’s edge when I need to clear my head. No matter how vast Central Park is, would it provide enough respite from the city’s hustle and bustle?
Our ride concludes in Times Square, an overwhelming spectacle of lights, sounds, people, and activity. A producer instructs us to pose in certain spots while they get footage with the famous city sights in the background. Bodyguards maintain a clear space around us, keeping the crowd – that mostly appears to be tourists – away.
I’m so focused on James and on the producer’s directions that I don’t hear the calls from the crowd until James comments on it. People are calling our names, and telling us they love seeing us together. Others don’t care that I’m currently with James, and instead urge me to “Choose Xavier,” “Choose Caleb,” or “Choose Samuel.” How interesting that the general public doesn’t seem to have a clear favorite either.
Thankfully, it’s not long before we’re put into a car and whisked away. As always, James seems to know exactly how I’m feeling and he holds me close, soothing me with his touch, making me feel safe and secure.
We have summer crowds on Four Points Island, but they’re nothing like the tourists in Times Square.
We’re taken to a small restaurant that has been reserved just for us. The peace and quiet is a relief, but I’m not very hungry after all of the excitement. The weight of my decision is coming back, no matter how hard I try to push it from my mind.