Four Keeps

The producers respond quickly to the change in plans, and I’m taken down to the ocean’s edge, where I meet the men for a game of beach volleyball. Typically, I’d be checking out their bodies in their beachwear, but today I’m searching their faces.

I look closely into each man’s eyes as I greet them with hugs. I find nothing but care, contentment, and unguarded desire in their expressions. I breathe a sigh of relief and give them each big smiles to signal that I’m not having any regrets myself.

The men split into two teams and I join one team, then switch to the other when the producers give me a signal. We play the game, and the guys seem to get into it, but I’m distracted by every glance, every word, and every touch that passes between us.

There’s such a buzz of sexual tension between us that I can scarcely keep from pitching the ball into the ocean and pulling all of them down on me into a big, sweaty pile in the sand. I touch them every chance I get, and they’re doing the same. I don’t sense anyone pulling back. In fact, quite the opposite.

Each of them has always been attentive, but today they’re saying so much with their eyes, and when I stumble in the sand, there’s always a supportive hand on me before I can fall. We can’t say anything specific on camera, but I get the message loud and clear. They liked being with me, and they want more.

But I have questions for them, and I need to find a way to talk with them away from cameras and producers.

When we’re done with volleyball, we’re taken inside to wash up. Natalie tells me that my family is waiting in another suite, and she briefs me on the topics I need to discuss with them as stylists do my hair and makeup.

I half listen. I know what’s expected, and I’m both excited and nervous to see my parents. I’m used to keeping my dating life private from my family, but now they’ve been watching me date multiple men on national TV. What if they don’t approve of how I’ve behaved or who I’ve chosen? What if they have a strong favorite among the four?

Nerves flutter in my belly as I approach their suite, but all my concerns dissolve when I see my family’s faces. It’s a relief to be near loved ones, and have people with me who know me and support me.

My dad pulls me into a hug, followed by my mom, then my brother and his wife. After the initial greetings, Natalie asks us to sit in the suite’s living room, my family on two loveseats, and me on a chair to the side.

Things are a bit stiff at first as my parents get used to the cameras’ presence, but soon we’re having an almost-normal conversation. If you can call a conversation about dating thirty men normal.

“We’re really proud of you, honey. You’ve conducted yourself really well,” my mom says.

“Especially when you kicked off Johnny and that jerk dentist – if he even is a dentist,” my brother says.

“We cheered so loud during those dates,” my sister-in-law adds. “And you won’t believe how many people have asked about you.”

We talk about some of the highlights of what they’ve seen on TV, and I ask what’s been going on at home, but soon Natalie steers us back to the talking points she needs.

“So as you’ve seen,” I say, “I’m having a really hard time narrowing down my final four.” It’s not that I’m having a hard time, I think. It’s that I can’t and won’t.

“I don’t blame you,” my sister-in-law says, earning her a frown from my brother.

“They all seem like solid men,” my dad says.

“You just have to think about who you’d want to spend the rest of your life with,” Mom says.

All of them, I think. All of them.

“Well, you’re about to meet them,” I say.

After a silent cue presumably sent by Natalie, there’s a knock on the door of the suite. Typically, the men would meet my parents one-by-one, but I told Natalie that I also wanted to do this part as a group.

I answer the door, and am greeted with kisses and hugs from Samuel, James, Xavier, and Caleb as they file in, all of them freshly groomed and looking slightly nervous on the whole.

After I make introductions, there’s some general chat, and then, directed by Natalie, my parents go off to talk to the men without me present. All of this is standard for the show.

I let out a deep breath and slouch in the chair, taking advantage of some off-camera time to relax and talk with my brother and sister-in-law. They keep me entertained with stories about what my niece has been up to, and how she’s been tickled to see her Aunt Livy on TV.