Propositioning Love

There’s so many ‘what if’s’ I can’t even deal.

I expect Bry to be angry with me for waiting until now to recognize and admit this, but his face softens. “What’s wrong?”

If there’s ever a time for complete honesty, it’s right now. I take a deep breath, focusing on the concern on his face. He cares for me, at least at this moment he does, about that I have no doubt.

“I’m scared, Bry. It’s all hitting me right now.”

Bry nods his head slowly, accepting my answer. “What are you scared of, baby?”

I almost laugh. It would be so much easier to explain what I’m not afraid of.

Taking a deep breath, I try to calm my racing heart before answering, “Everything… us…”

Of you hurting me.

“What can I do to make you feel better?” he asks, his eyes searching mine as if there’s an answer he expects me to say.

What could he do to make me feel better? If he’d commit to me, truly commit to me, I’d probably feel better. But then again, I may not. I’m almost afraid this little deal we have going, his buying my time, has ruined whatever chance we had at a real relationship.

What the fuck do we do once my thirty days are up?

I could ask right now, but I hesitate. My mouth unable to form the words. I guess a part of me really doesn’t want to know. Doesn’t want to face the truth.

The whole reason I’m scared in the first place is because I’m afraid to lose him.

“Zoe,” he nearly growls, his voice demanding and imploring at the same time. “What can I do?”

Staring into his eyes, I try one more time to get the question past my lips, but fear holds it back. For once in my life, I’m willing to prolong my misery instead of just ripping the Band-Aid off.

It’s absolutely ridiculous. If I could just get this question out, I’ll know what’s to come. I’ll know if he wants more.

I try a couple of more times to get the question past my lips but nothing comes out.

“Kiss me,” I finally answer, unable to come up with anything else. “Kiss me and make me feel better.”

Bry’s eyes peer into mine one more time, still searching, still seeking something. I have no clue what he’s looking for, but I catch a flash of some emotion I can’t decipher just before his weight pushes into me.

He presses me hard up against the elevator wall and his mouth descends on my mouth.

Thankfully, the first touch of his lips is enough to start the process of shutting my brain off. I allow his taste, his touch, to sweep me away. To push me into a warm nothingness where I don’t think, I just feel.

There is no tomorrow, all there is now.

All there is him gripping me possessively as the force of his kiss pushes me hard into the wall.

He kisses me like a man possessed. He kisses me like he’s hell-bent on making me feel better.

When a small moan escapes my throat, he rips himself away from me.

“Better now?” he pants.

I nod my head, my body still humming from his touch.

“Good,” he says, and rakes his fingers through his hair.

He gives me one last dark look as if he’d love nothing more than to push me back against the wall and take me right here, right now.

Shaking his head, he takes a step away from me and jams the button for our floor.

I straighten away from the wall and run my palm down my dress to straighten it, only to have him ruin the effort by pulling me into his side.

His arm wraps around me and he gives me a reassuring squeeze. I take a moment to enjoy being so close to him. Breathing his crisp, clean smell into my lungs. Savoring the possessive hold of his arm.

The elevator dings and the doors slide open.

Bry nudges me forward by moving his hand to the small of my back. Reluctantly my feet start moving, carrying me through the office.

“I’ll be busy today,” he informs me as he guides me. “But if you need anything, let Ariel know.”

I nod my head, my body still buzzing from his close proximity. I notice more than one head turning our way, but I try my best to ignore it.

“I’d like to do lunch if you’re free.”

It’s such a silly statement, after all, he’s bought all my time, I can’t help but smirk up at him. “I don’t know. I’ll have to check my schedule.”

My smirk is reflected right back at me. “Send Ariel your schedule and I’ll have her clear it.”

We reach my little cubicle too quick. His hand lingers on my back for a moment and he stares down at me, eyes darkening as if he wants to kiss me again.