Redeemed (Dirty Air 4)

“Thank you for coming to save the day. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Santiago’s eyes remain focused on the ceiling.

“You’re welcome.”

It feels like ten minutes before he says anything again. “You could’ve said no.”

“I know I might have some cons, but I’m not exactly evil.”

“Just lethal.” A faint smile crosses his lips.

I let out a low laugh.

Santiago turns his head toward mine. “I’m sorry I lied to get out of going on the boat with you.”

My eyes find his. A spectrum of feelings pours out of him from one single look. Pain. Sadness. Regret. It’s the same look I recognize in myself throughout the years. Seeing it on someone else hits me in a different way, forcing me to empathize with him.

I shelve the desire to say something snappy back at him about liars always apologizing. Instead, I let out a heavy sigh. Marko doesn’t flinch when my chest moves.

“I regret lying to you,” he whispers. “In the end, it was all for nothing. I let my own insecurity rule my behavior, and it didn’t even matter. I upset you by wanting to prevent you from seeing exactly what I showed you tonight. Except this version is way worse.”

“Why?” One word, a bunch of different questions that need an answer. I attempt to pull my hand out from his grasp, no longer needing to pretend for Marko’s sake.

Santiago holds on. “I was nervous for you to see me in nothing but a swimsuit and my leg.” He pauses. “No one sees me that way except my family. When I invited you to go swimming, I didn’t realize my mistake. Everything felt so…”

Natural. I want to fill in the word for him, but I stop myself. My heart cracks for this man who struggles to come to terms with himself. Low self-esteem is a tough battle. His confession hits me differently because he looks like an Adonis in every sense of the word. Yet again, Santiago reveals another layer of himself I can’t help appreciating.

How can someone who looks so perfect be so flawed?

“I don’t care about something like a prosthetic leg, but you refuse to accept it. Your injury doesn’t define you. Your decisions do.” I shut my eyes, wanting to escape his gaze. Yet everything about our proximity has my body aware of him in ways I wish weren’t possible.

Silence cloaks the air. His grip on my hand loosens, and I slip out of his grasp.

I stay awake and wait for a reply that never comes. Eventually, I fall asleep to Marko’s steady breathing.

Marko thankfully slept through the rest of the night with no more stomach issues. Somehow, I didn’t suffocate Marko with my usual habit of cuddling someone to death. Santiago kept to his side of the bed, and Marko rolled over to lie on top of his uncle in the middle of the night.

Santiago looks peaceful and unplagued by the worries that force his face into a permanent scowl. It takes everything in me not to watch him snooze, stuck between being a creep and offering the man some privacy.

I pull myself away from the bed, grab my sneakers off the floor, and exit Santi’s room without making a noise. While his confession last night about his reason for lying touched my heart, I can’t find it in myself to speak more about it today. Not when I need time to decompress from the whole experience.

As I walk down the main road, my eyes land on my father’s house. I hate the stupid gate standing between us—a physical barrier as much as an emotional one. It reminds me of my failure and lack of confidence to approach Matteo and be honest.

Here I am getting angry at Santiago when I’m just as much of a liar. A stupid, cowardly liar who can’t face the one obstacle getting in the way of what I want.

But I have a good reason to lie. I’m afraid of being rejected by another parent.

I turn away from the gate, unable to face any more feelings for the day. I’ve reached my limit of bullshit, especially when it comes from my own self.

13

Chloe

I clutch onto the handle of the mop as I swipe it across the floor of the shop. The bell above the door chimes and I turn to face the newcomers.

“Hi, Chloe!” Marko waves. His headphones match his Iron Man costume.

I turn in time, dropping the mop as Marko runs into my arms for a hug. “Hey! I’m happy to see you’re feeling better.”

“No more pukey.” Marko makes a funny face.