“Trust me, it is.” Ben groaned in frustration. “And if you believe nothing else, believe this: this mess didn’t have anything to do with you. It had to do with me. I should have backed off. I should have kept things platonic. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with a client’s granddaughter, the subject of my investigation.”
“Well, you did.” The anger she’d been withholding resurfaced and she shoved him away. “You damn well did. Not only did you put your hands on me but inside me, dammit. I was a woman you couldn’t keep your hands off of but not one you respected enough to tell the truth.”
He sighed and stepped back, obviously accepting the barriers she’d placed between them. “I understand you’re hurt, Grace, but hurt doesn’t change the feelings you had before you found out the truth.”
She lifted her chin a notch. “And what would those be?”
“You love me.”
Feeling as if she’d been punched in the stomach, she nearly doubled over. She held herself around the waist—anything to hold herself together until he was gone. “That’s an arrogant assumption.”
He shook his head. “It’s fact. I saw the pictures you took of me. No one’s ever gotten that close. That deep. No one’s cared enough to bother. So, you can be hurt and betrayed. I wouldn’t presume to take that away from you. But when the pain wears off, what’ll happen to the love?”
She opened her mouth, then closed it again.
A tired smile pulled at his lips. “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?”
She shook her head. “Unlike you, I can’t bring myself to lie.”
“That’s good. Because it’s just one of the things I love about you.” He raised his hand in a wave, turned, and respected her silent request. He left her alone, the way she’d been before he barged into her solitary existence.
The way she’d be for the rest of her life.
* * *
Ben loaded the last of his things into the Explorer. Moving out of the Murray Hill apartment and back into his studio in the Village should have made him happy. He’d never been comfortable in the apartment owned by the landlord’s brother. But having Grace across the hall had been worth the sacrifice.
In fact, having her in his life, even for a short time, was a selfish blessing for a guy who didn’t deserve one. If he’d been up-front with her sooner, maybe he’d be moving in with her instead of away. Then again, if he’d told her he loved her as he’d wanted to last night, he might have eaten a mouthful of sand for dinner.
Ben had to face that a future with Grace was never meant to be. From the day he’d accepted Emma’s money in exchange for keeping tabs on her granddaughter, he’d sealed the impossibility of any long-term relationship. Coming clean sooner rather than later wouldn’t have changed her feelings of betrayal. In her eyes, he’d used her and had been paid for the opportunity.
That was why he hadn’t bothered telling her he had no intention of keeping Emma’s money nor taking any further payment. It was also why he hadn’t told her he loved her, too. From the bleak look in her eyes, it wouldn’t have made a damn bit of difference.
He muttered a curse and slammed the back closed. As he turned, an uneasy feeling of being watched stole over him. Recalling the last time he’d had such a sensation and the resulting photos he’d seen in Grace’s apartment, Ben had to laugh aloud.
Grace couldn’t stand the sight of him
. There was no chance in hell she cared enough to watch him out her window now. Unless she was waving goodbye.
* * *
Grace lowered the camera and set it down on the dresser. Taking pictures of Ben as he loaded his truck and prepared to drive off was torture. Why she thought she’d find closure and peace in the act, she’d never know.
Instead, she found herself standing by the window with tears pouring out of her eyes as she called herself a coward for refusing to confront Ben one more time.
“All you have to do is run downstairs and stop him.”
Grace folded her arms across her chest and turned to face her grandmother.
Because of Emma’s age, apology, and undying love for her, Grace had forgiven her last night. If she hadn’t kept Emma in the dark and caused her to worry, her grandmother wouldn’t have hired Ben. Grace accepted that she’d taken her bid for independence too far. She’d been the one to set the chain of events in motion that led to this moment.
She glanced out the window once more. Ben stood talking to the doorman. One hip propped against the Explorer, his shirt hem ragged from being ripped at the seam and his sleeves cut by hand, he looked like the bad boy she’d fallen in love with.
“It’s not the lie that’s stopping you from going after him, is it?” Emma asked. “Because Lord knows you and Logan told me your fair share growing up and I’m still speaking to you both. Never took you across my knee, either.” A wicked gleam sparked in Emma’s gaze. “But that just might be a good punishment for your Ben.”
Grace couldn’t help but laugh despite the pain. “Cut it out, Gran. It’s not the lie that’s holding me back.”
She’d gotten past that last night. Alone in the dark, remembering the time she and Ben had spent together, recalling the feel of his arms around her, Grace knew in her heart he was still the decent, honest man she’d pegged him to be. A man with too many responsibilities and too many people to answer to.