Give Me a Reason (Redemption Hills 1)

I swallowed around the emotions locked in my throat and gave him my own truth. “You’re not the only one who has trouble in their life, Mr. Lawson. You’re not the only one who would do whatever it takes to protect their family.”

I had to wonder if we were really any different at all. If we were all only trying to figure out how to give those we loved the hope they deserved.

Harshly, he searched my face, as if he were looking for a lie. “That what this is? You need money…for your family?”

My nod was jerky.

His lips curled in distaste. “You married?”

Grief trembled, that empty space howling its sorrow. Closing it off, I angled my head to the side, my voice soft surrender as I turned his words back on him. “Do I look married to you?”

Only my commitments ran deep. My promises. My love. My soul’s innermost ache.

He wavered in the moment, like he was going to ask me why before he seemed to come to a resolution. He nodded. “Okay, then.”

Forcing a brittle smile, he stepped back.

It was as if he had made the decision to put a wall between us. Neither cold nor hot. Indifferent.

It left me feeling as if I’d just been tossed ashore after being drowned in turbulent, tormented waves.

Floundering and coughing and searching for air.

I stared at him for a beat.

At his beauty.

At his intensity.

At this man who for the first time in years made me want to look closer.

My spirit warned I might not like what was written inside.

It didn’t matter.

That hunger had lit.

A hunger I would never act on. Would never be so reckless. I knew full well my heart would never recover from the kind of breaking this man would bring.

But I guessed…I guessed I relished in the idea—in the feeling—in the simple fact he made me feel alive for the first time in so long.

“Thank you, Mr. Lawson. Truly. I needed this job.”

Peeling myself from the wall, I forced myself to turn and start toward the kitchen.

“Kitten.”

That ridiculous nickname coming from his tongue wrapped me like a sinful caress, and I stopped moving, but didn’t turn around.

“Your probationary period is over. Go change. You’ll start training as a cocktail server tonight.”

At that, I whirled around. “What?”

Trent cocked that arrogant grin. “Everyone starts off washing dishes here. Didn’t you know?”

Then he spun on his heel and disappeared into his office, slamming the door shut behind him.

I just stood there.

Stunned and confused and grateful.

My heart in my throat and my head spinning.

Whiplash.

Six

Trent

Out back, I lit a cigarette and leaned against the grimy building. I inhaled, filling my lungs full, one boot planted to the ground and the other to the wall.

I looked to the blackened sky smattered with stars.

Trying to get my shit together. To figure out just what the hell I thought I was doing. How I was supposed to maneuver this.

Was basically hiding out back of my own bar, for fuck’s sake.

But it was getting harder and harder figuring out how to be in Eden Murphy’s space and act like she hadn’t gotten under my skin. Like I wasn’t constantly watching her. Wanting something I most definitely shouldn’t want.

Last week, back on the first day of school when I’d discovered she was Gage’s teacher, I’d made the firm and fast decision that I had to draw a line. A clear-cut boundary, one in which eradicated that mesmerizing presence from my bar.

Knew it had to be done with the reaction that’d shaken down my insides when I’d pulled into the lot and saw her holding Gage’s hand.

A motherfuckin’ arrow straight to the heart.

Piercing.

From out of nowhere had come this longing that was pure insanity to acknowledge.

Might have known that I could never have it, that I’d ruin it, but I still hadn’t been able to shake the sense that I was looking on something right. Something good. What was missing.

Belief and beauty and hope.

Yup.

Straight fuckin’ stupidity.

That shit wasn’t in the cards for me.

I’d already fucked it all. Had committed too many wrongs. Most importantly, I couldn’t lose sight. Couldn’t jeopardize what I was living for by going after something I couldn’t have.

Only thing it’d be was another sin mounted on the others.

It didn’t help that after the first day of school Gage had climbed into the back of my car and chattered the whole ride home about the greatness that was Miss Murphy. How pretty she was. How she had to be the smartest teacher in the world. How he was certain he was her favorite but that he wouldn’t tell the other kids because he didn’t want them to be sad.

My damned chest had felt like it was going to implode as I’d glanced through the rearview and witnessed all that joy lit on his precious face.

It was the only thing that mattered.