Maybe Someday

I continue to back out of everyones way until my calves meet the couch, and I fall down onto it.

They lift Maggie onto the gurney and begin pushing her toward the front door. Ridge walks swiftly behind them. Warren comes from Ridges bedroom and tosses him a pair of shoes. Ridge puts them on, then signs something else to Warren and slips out the door behind the gurney.

I watch as Warren rushes to his room. He reemerges with a shirt and shoes on and his baseball cap in hand. He grabs his keys off the bar and heads back into Ridges bedroom. He comes back out with a bag of Ridges things and heads for the front door.

Wait! I yell. Warren turns to look at me. His phone. Hell need his phone. I rush to the bathroom, grab Ridges phone from the floor, and take it back to Warren.

Im coming with you, I say, slipping my foot into a shoe by the front door.

No, youre not.

I look up at him, somewhat in shock at the harshness of his voice as I slip my other shoe on. He begins to pull the door shut on me, and I slap a palm against it.

Im coming with you! I say again, more determined this time.

He turns and looks at me with hardened eyes. He doesnt need you there, Sydney.

I have no idea what he means by that, but his tone pisses me off. I push against his chest and step outside with him. Im coming, I say with finality.

I walk down the stairs just as the ambulance begins to pull away. Ridge is standing with his hands clasped behind his head, watching as it leaves. Warren makes it to the bottom of the stairs, and as soon as Ridge sees him, they both rush toward Ridges car. I follow them.

Warren climbs into the drivers seat, Ridge into the passenger seat. I open the door to the backseat and pull it shut behind me.

Warren pulls out of the parking lot and speeds until were caught up to the ambulance.

Ridge is terrified. I can see it in the way his arms are wrapped around himself and hes shaking his knee, fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt, chewing on the corner of his bottom lip.

I still have no idea whats wrong with Maggie, and Im scared that she might not be okay. It still doesnt feel like my business, and Im definitely not about to ask Warren whats going on.

The nervousness seeping from Ridge is making my heart ache for him. I move to the edge of the backseat and reach forward, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He lifts his hand to mine and grabs it, then squeezes it tightly.

I want to help him, but I cant. I dont know how. All I can think about is how completely helpless I feel, how much hes hurting, and how scared I am that he might lose Maggie, because its so painfully obvious how that would kill him.

He brings his other hand up to mine, which is still gripping his shoulder. He squeezes both of his hands around mine desperately, then tilts his face toward his shoulder. He kisses the top of my hand, and I feel a tear fall against my skin.

I close my eyes and press my forehead against the back of his seat, and I cry.

Were in the waiting room.

Well, Warren and I are in the waiting room. Ridge has been with Maggie since we arrived an hour ago, and Warren hasnt spoken a single word to me.

Which is why Im not speaking to him. He obviously has an issue, and Im not really in the mood to defend myself, because Ive done absolutely nothing to Warren that should even require defending.

I slouch back in my chair and pull up the search browser on my phone, curious to know about what Warren said to the 911 operator.

I type CFRD into the search box and hit enter. My eyes are pulled to the very first result: Managing cystic fibrosisrelated diabetes.

I click on the link, and it explains the different types of diabetes but doesnt explain much more. Ive heard of cystic fibrosis but dont know enough about it to know how it affects Maggie. I click a link on the left of the page that says, What is cystic fibrosis? My heart begins to pound and my tears are flowing as I take in the same words that stick out on every single page, no matter how many pages I click.

Genetic disorder of the lungs.

Life-threatening.

Shortened life expectancy.

No known cure.

Survival rates into mid- and upper thirties.

I cant read any more through all the tears Im crying for Maggie. For Ridge.

I close the browser on my phone, and my eyes are pulled to my hand. I take in the unread words in Ridges handwriting across my palm.

I need you to move out.

Ridge

Both Warren and Sydney spring to their feet when I round the corner to the waiting room.

How is she? Warren signs.

Better. Shes awake now.

Warren nods, and Sydney is looking back and forth between us.

The doctor says the alcohol and dehydration probably caused her . . . I stop signing, because Warrens lips are pressed into a firm line as he watches my explanation.

Verbalize for her, I sign, nodding my head toward Sydney.

Warren turns and looks at Sydney, then refocuses his attention on me. This doesnt concern her, he signs silently.

What the hell is his problem?

Shes worried about Maggie, Warren. It does concern her. Now, verbalize what Im saying for her.

Warren shakes his head. Shes not here for Maggie, Ridge. She doesnt care how Maggies doing. Shes only worried about you.

I bury my anger, then slowly step forward and stand directly in front of him. Verbalize for her. Now.

Warren sighs but doesnt turn toward Sydney. He stares straight at me as he both signs and verbalizes for us. Ridge says Maggies okay. Shes awake.

Sydneys entire body relaxes as her hands go to the back of her head and relief washes over her. She says something to him, and he closes his eyes, takes a quick breath, then opens them.

Sydney wants to know if either of you need anything. From the apartment.

I look at Sydney and shake my head. Theyre keeping her overnight to monitor her blood sugar. Ill come by tomorrow if we need anything. Im staying a few days at her house.

Warren verbalizes again, and Sydney nods.

You two head back and get some rest.

Warren nods. Sydney steps forward and gives me a tight hug, then backs away.

Warren begins to turn toward the exit, but I grab his arm and make him look at me again. I dont know why youre upset with her, Warren, but please dont be a jerk to her. Ive done that enough already.

He nods, and they turn to leave. Sydney looks back over her shoulder and smiles a painful smile. I turn and walk back to Maggies room.

The head of her bed is slightly raised now, and she looks up at me. Theres an IV drip in her arm, replenishing her fluids. Her head slowly rolls across her pillow as her eyes follow me across the room.

Im sorry, she signs.

I shake my head, not even remotely wanting or needing any type of apology from her. Stop. Dont feel bad. Like you always say, youre young. Young people do crazy things like get drunk and have hangovers and puke for twelve hours straight.

She laughs. Yes, but like you always say, probably not young people with life-threatening conditions.

I smile as I reach her bed, then scoot a chair close to it and take a seat. Im going back to San Antonio with you. Ill stay a few days until I feel better about leaving you alone.

She sighs and turns her head, looking straight up to the ceiling. Im fine. It was just an insulin issue. She turns back to face me. You cant baby me every time this happens, Ridge.

My jaw clenches at baby me. Im not babying you, Maggie. Im loving you. Im taking care of you. Theres a difference.

She closes her eyes and shakes her head. Im so tired of having this same conversation over and over.

Yeah. So am I.

I lean back in my chair and fold my arms over my chest while I stare at her. Her refusal of help has been understandable up to this point, but shes not a teenager anymore, and I cant understand why she wont allow things to progress with us.

I lean forward, touching her arm so shell look at me and listen. You need to stop being so hell-bent and determined to have your independence. If you dont take better care of yourself, these brief one-night hospital stays will be a thing of the past, Maggie. Let me take care of you. Let me be there for you. I constantly worry myself sick. Your internship is causing you so much stress, not to mention the thesis. I understand why you want to live a normal life and do all the things other people our age do, like go to college and have a career. I pause to run my hands through my hair and focus on the point I want to make. If we lived together, I could do so much more for you. Things would be easier for both of us. And when things like this happen, Ill be there to help you so you dont convulse alone on the bathroom floor until you die!

Breathe, Ridge.

Okay, that was harsh. Way too harsh.

I roll my neck and look down at the floor, because Im not ready for her to respond yet. I close my eyes and try to hold back my frustration. Maggie, I sign, looking at her tear-soaked eyes. I . . . love . . . you. And I am so scared that one of these days, I wont be able to walk out of the hospital with you still in my arms. And itll be my own fault for allowing you to continue to refuse my help.

Her bottom lip is quivering, so she tucks it into her mouth and bites it. Sometime in the next ten or fifteen years, Ridge, that will be your reality. You are going to walk out of the hospital without me, because no matter how much you want to be my hero, I cant be saved. You cant save me from this. We both know youre one of the few people I have in this world, so until the day comes when I can absolutely no longer take care of myself, I refuse to become your burden. Do you know what that does to me? To know that Ive put that much pressure on you? Im not living alone simply because I crave independence, Ridge. I want to live alone because . . .

Tears are streaming down her cheeks, and she pauses to wipe them away. I want to live alone because I just want to be the girl youre in love with . . . for as long as we can draw that out. I dont want to be your burden or your responsibility or your obligation. The only thing I want is to be the love of your life. Thats all. Please, just let that be enough for now. Let it be enough until the time comes when you really do have to go to the ends of the earth for me.

A sob breaks free from my chest, and I reach forward and press my lips to hers. I grip her face desperately between my hands and lift my leg onto the bed. She wraps her arms around me as I pull the rest of my body on top of hers and do whatever I can to shield her from the unfairness of this evil, goddamned world.

18.

Sydney

I close the door to Ridges car and follow Warren up the stairs toward the apartment. Neither of us said a word to each other on the drive home from the hospital. The rigidness in his jaw said all he needed to say, which was, more or less, Dont speak to me. I spent the drive with my focus out the window and my questions lodged in my throat.