Maybe Someday

So you broke up with Maggie, and Ridge started dating her?

Yes and no. We had a long conversation about it that afternoon, because Ridge is big on sharing his thoughts and shit. We agreed we had to honor the bro code, and it wouldnt really be good for us if he picked up and started dating a girl I had just screwed. But he liked her. He liked her a lot, and even though I knew it was hard for him, he waited until the term ended before he asked her out.

The term?

Warren nods. Yeah. Dont ask where we came up with it, but we agreed twelve months was a decent length of time before the bro code became null. We figured enough time would have passed, and if he wanted to ask her out after a year, it wouldnt be so weird. By that time, she might have dated other people and wouldnt be going straight from my bed into Ridges. As much as I could have tried to be cool about it, it would have been too weird. Even for us.

Did Maggie know how he felt about her? During the twelve months?

Warren shakes his head. No. Maggie never even knew he liked her like he did. He liked her so much he didnt go on a single date for the entire twelve months I made him wait. He had the date circled on a calendar. I saw it once in his room. He never mentioned her, never asked about her. But Ill be damned if the day that year was up, he wasnt knocking on her front door. And it took her a while to come around, especially knowing she would have to interact with me. But things eventually worked themselves out. She ended up with the right guy in the end, thanks to Ridges persistence.

I exhale. Wow, I say. Talk about devotion.

He turns his head toward mine, and our eyes meet. Exactly, he says firmly, as if I just summed up his whole point. I have never in my life met another human being with more devotion than that man. Hes the best damn thing thats ever happened to me. The best thing thats ever happened to Maggie.

He pulls his feet up onto the couch and faces me full-on. Hes gone through hell and back for that girl, Sydney. All the hospital stays, driving back and forth to take care of her, promising her the world, and giving up so much of himself in return. And she deserves it. Shes one of the purest, most selfless people Ive ever met, and if there are two people who deserve each other in this world, its the two of them.

So when I see how he looks at you, it pains me. I saw the way the two of you watched each other at the party the other night. I saw the jealousy in his eyes every time you spoke to Brennan. Ive never seen him struggle with his choice or the sacrifices hes made for Maggie until you showed up. Hes falling in love with you, Sydney, and I know you know that. However, I also know his heart, and hell never leave Maggie. He loves her. He would never do that to her. So seeing him torn apart because of the way he feels about you and knowing his life is with Maggie, I just dont understand why youre still here. I dont understand why youre putting him through that much pain. Each day youre still here and I see him looking at you the same way he used to look at Maggie, it makes me want to shove you out the damn door and tell you to never come back. And I know thats not your fault. I know that. Hell, you didnt even know the half of what hes going through until tonight. But now you do. And as much as I love you and think youre one of the coolest damn chicks Ive ever met, I also never want to see your face again. Especially now that you know the truth about Maggie. And forgive me if this is harsh, but I dont want you getting it into your head that the love you have for Ridge will be enough to hold you over until the day Maggie dies. Because Maggie isnt dying, Sydney. Maggies living. Shell be around a lot longer than Ridges heart could ever survive you.

My head rolls forward into my hands as the sobs erupt from my chest. Warrens arm folds over my back, and he pulls me against him. I dont know who Im crying for right now, but my heart hurts so much I just want to rip it from my fucking chest and throw it over Ridges balcony, because thats where this whole mess began.

Ridge

Maggie has been asleep for a couple of hours now, but Ive yet to sleep. Thats usually how it is when Im with her in the hospital. After five years of sporadic stays, Ive learned its much easier not to sleep at all than it is to get a half-ass couple of hours.

I open my laptop and pull up my messages to Sydney, then send her a quick hello to see if shes online. We havent had a chance to discuss the fact that I asked her to move out, and I hate not knowing if shes okay. I know its wrong to be messaging her at this point, but it seems even more wrong to leave things unsaid.

She returns my message almost immediately, and the tone of it already relieves some of my worry. I dont know why I always expect shell respond unreasonably, because shes never once shown a lack of maturity or regard for my situation.

Sydney: Yeah, Im here. Hows Maggie?

Me: Shes good. Shell be discharged this afternoon.

Sydney: Thats good. Ive been worried.

Me: Thank you, by the way. For your help last night.

Sydney: I wasnt much help. I felt like I was in the way more than anything.

Me: You werent. Theres no telling what could have happened if you hadnt found her.

I wait a moment for her to respond, but she doesnt. I guess weve reached the point in this conversation where one of us needs to bring up what we both know must be discussed. I feel responsible for this entire situation with her, so I bite the bullet and lay it out there.

Me: Do you have a minute? I really have some things Id like to say to you.

Sydney: Yes, and likewise.

I glance up at Maggie again, and shes still asleep in the same position. Having this conversation with Sydney in her presence, as innocent as it is, makes me uneasy. I take my laptop and walk out of the hospital room and into the empty hallway. I sit on the floor beside the door to Maggies room and reopen my laptop.

Me: The main thing Ive appreciated about our time together over the last couple of months is the fact that weve been upfront and consistent with each other. With that being said, I dont want you to leave with the wrong idea about why I need you to move out. I dont want you to think you did anything wrong.

Sydney: I dont need an explanation. Ive more than worn out my welcome, and you have enough to stress about without adding me into the mix. Warren found an apartment for me this morning, but it isnt available for a few days. Is it okay if I stay here until then?

Me: Of course. When I said I needed you to move, I didnt literally mean today. I just meant soon. Before things become too hard for me to continue to walk away.

Sydney: Im sorry, Ridge. I didnt mean for any of this to happen.

I know shes referring to the way we feel about each other. I know exactly what she means, because I didnt mean for it to happen, either. In fact, Ive done everything I could to stop it from happening, but somehow my heart never got the message. If I know it wasnt intentional on my part, I know it wasnt intentional on her part, so she has nothing to apologize for.

Me: Why are you apologizing? Dont apologize. Its not your fault, Sydney. Hell, Im not even sure its my fault.

Sydney: Well, usually when something goes wrong, someone is at fault.

Me: Things didnt go wrong with us. Thats our problem. Things are way too right between us. We make sense. Everything about you feels so right, but

I pause for a few moments to gather my thoughts, because I dont want to say anything Ill regret. I inhale, then type out the best way to describe how I feel about our entire situation.

Me: There isnt a doubt in my mind that we could be perfect for each others life, Sydney. Its our lives that arent perfect for us.

Several minutes pass without a response. I dont know if I crossed the line with my comments, but however shes reacting to them, I needed to say what I had to say before I could let her go. Im beginning to close my laptop when another message pops up from her.

Sydney: If theres one thing Ive learned from this whole experience, its that my ability to trust wasnt completely broken by Hunter and Tori like I initially thought. Youve always been upfront with me about how you feel. Weve never skirted around the truth. If anything, weve worked together to find a way to change our course. I want to thank you for that. Thank you so much for showing me that guys like you actually exist, and not everyone is a Hunter.

She somehow has a way of making me sound so much more innocent than I actually am. Im not nearly as strong as she thinks I am.

Me: Dont thank me, Sydney. You shouldnt thank me, because I failed miserably at trying not to fall in love with you.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and hit send. Saying what Ive just said to her fills me with more guilt than the night I kissed her. Words can sometimes have a far greater effect on a heart than a kiss.

Sydney: I failed first.

I read her last message, and the finality of our imminent good-bye hits me full-force. I feel it in every single part of me, and Im shocked at the reaction Im having to it. I lean my head against the wall behind me and try to imagine my world before Sydney entered it. It was a good world. A consistent world. But then she came along and shook my world upside down as if it were a fragile, breakable snow globe. Now that shes leaving, it feels as if the snow is about to settle, and my whole world will be upright and still and consistent again. As much as that should make me feel at ease, it actually terrifies me. Im scared to death that Ill never again feel any of the things I felt during the little time shes been in my world.

Anyone who has made this much of an impact deserves a proper good-bye.

I stand and walk back into Maggies hospital room. Shes still asleep, so I walk over to her bed, give her a light kiss on the forehead, and leave her a note explaining that Im heading to the apartment to pack a few things before shes released.

Then I leave to go and give the other half of my heart a proper good-bye.

Im outside Sydneys bedroom door, preparing to knock. Weve said everything that needs to be said and even a lot that probably shouldnt have been said, but I cant not see her one last time before I go. Shell be gone by the time I get back from San Antonio. I have no plans to contact her after today, so the fact that I know this is definitely good-bye is pressing on the walls of my chest, and it fucking hurts like hell.

If I were to look at my situation from an outsiders point of view, I would be telling myself to forget about Sydneys feelings, that my loyalty should lie solely with Maggie. I would be telling myself to leave and that Sydney doesnt deserve a good-bye, even after all weve been through.

Is life really that black-and-white, though? Can a simple right or wrong define my situation? Do Sydneys feelings not count in this mix somewhere despite my loyalty to Maggie? It doesnt seem right just to let her go. But its unfair to Maggie not to just let her go.