Dogs Don't Tell Jokes (Someday Angeline 2)

Angeline cracked up. “Too bad you’re not in my school,” she said. “Nobody there tells jokes.”

“Right,” said Gary. “All I need is an I.Q. of about three thousand.”

Angeline blushed and looked away.

“Do you like anybody there?” he asked.

“There’s this one girl,” said Angeline. “Lola Baines. I like her. She collects worms. She’s doing this neat project. She teaches worms to go through a maze. Then she grinds them up and feeds them to other worms. Well, the worms don’t really eat the other worms. They ingest them.”

Gary nodded like he understood.

“Then the new worms,” Angeline continued, “the ones that eat the old worms—they can go through the maze on their first try.”

“Really?” asked Gary. “That’s amazing. That means—What does that mean?”

“I don’t know.”

“I wonder,” said Gary. “I mean, I wouldn’t really do it, so don’t worry or anything, but if let’s say I chopped you up, and then I ate you, would I be smart?”

“You’d get a stomachache,” Angeline said. Then she laughed.

“How can you build a maze for worms?” asked Gary. “I mean, can’t they just crawl over walls and stuff?”

“Sandpaper,” said Angeline. “They don’t like to crawl on sandpaper.”

“Oh. That’s neat.”

Angeline smiled mischievously. “You know what I told Lola?” she whispered. She looked around to see if her dad was listening. “I told her you were my boyfriend.”

Gary blushed.

“Is that okay?” Angeline asked.

Gary nodded very quickly.

Angeline smiled at him.

“So,” said Gary. “Did you hear about the three prisoners who were going to be executed by a firing squad? They put the first person up against the wall and were about to shoot him, when suddenly he yelled, ‘EARTHQUAKE!’ While everybody ran for shelter the prisoner got away.

“Well, they finally realized there was no earthquake, so the second prisoner was brought out and put up against the wall. They were about to shoot him, when he yelled, ‘TORNADO!’ Again everyone ran for shelter and the prisoner escaped.

“The third prisoner was Mrs. Snitzberry. They put her up against the wall. ‘Ready … Aim …’ And Mrs. S

nitzberry yelled, ‘FIRE!’ ”

Angeline laughed so hard she fell off the couch.

Later in the afternoon, Gary went to a movie with Angeline, her father, and Mr. Bone.

Mr. Bone’s real name was Melissa Turbone. She had been Gary’s fifth-grade teacher. The other kids in the class all called her Miss Turbone. Gary, and later Angeline, called her Mr. Bone. She never knew it because “Mr. Bone” sounded just like “Miss Turbone.”

Melissa and Angeline’s father had been dating for the last two years. Gary and Angeline hoped they’d get married. It was Melissa who had arranged for Angeline to go to the Manusec School.

“What’s cookin’, Mr. Bone?” said Gary when Melissa got into the car.

“Mashed potatoes and gravy,” she replied.

The movie was about a boy and a dog who ran away from home. Angeline cried during most of the movie.