The Cheat Sheet

“I’m giving you ample warning,” he says in a deep tone that crawls up my neck in the most pleasant way. Like someone trailing their finger across your skin to make your hairs stand up. His eyes glitter in the darkness. “I know change scares you, so I’m going to tell you what’s about to happen, make sure you approve first.”

Did anyone else just hear me gulp?

I try to say okay, but nothing comes out. My lips are only moving for show.

“I’m going to take three steps back to you and put my hands on your hips.” His eyes rove over me, and he squints just below my chin. “Maybe your jaw, maybe the back of your neck. We’ll see. And then I’m going to kiss you.”

I. Can’t. Feel. My. Toes.

When my voice finds its way out, it sounds like a croak. “Why?”

His head tilts rakishly, and he smiles but doesn’t answer me.

This is where habit tells me to END IT. The little hall monitor that enforces my self-preservation blows a whistle and says, Stop this right now! But things are changing around here, and I want them to change, so I shove her into a locker. (But then I feel bad about that so I take her back out, thank her for her service, give her a chocolate bar, and tell her to take a vacation to the beach. She deserves it for all her hard work.)

Would I have liked for Nathan to admit his undying love for me and THEN kiss me? Yes. But I’m going to make myself do something new and hope for the best. He’s taken the utmost care of me over the past six years, and deep down, I know I can trust him now.

“Still with me, Bree Cheese?” he asks.

I nod.

Just as promised, Nathan takes one, two, three steps, and now he’s in front of me. I have to tilt my chin back so far to see him that my head rests against the wall. One hand moves forward and rests on my hip. It feels like a match striking a box. I have been forcing all of my attraction for this man away since high school, and now that I can let it out…I’m giggling.

Oh gosh, I’m giggling! No! This is no time to pull a Rachel Green!

Nathan freezes and frowns down at my bubbling laughter. I’m terrified I’m going to sabotage us again, so I clasp a hand over my mouth. At first, he looks uncertain and defeated, but then his frown clears and he smiles.

“Rachel Green?” he asks, because of COURSE he’d know what’s happening to me. We’ve watched the whole F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series together multiple times, so he knows when Ross Geller finally gets with his longtime friend Rachel Green, she can’t help but giggle every time he touches her. And I can’t believe it’s happening to me now. Is this an actual condition?

“I’m sorry,” I say from behind my hand. “I’m ruining this.”

“Ruining what?” he asks savagely, trying to get me to admit there’s a this between us to ruin.

I don’t take the bait. “The facade. Anyone watching right now will be able to see that this is totally foreign for us. The jig will be up.” Total crap. No one can see us right now, and no one at this party gives a flying monkey what we’re doing.

Nathan hums a deep sound and inches closer, taking my other hip in his free hand. He pushes me flush against the wall and drops his head to my neck. His breath grazes my skin and he whispers, “You’ll just have to pretend it’s nothing new.”

I hold my breath as his soft, warm lips press against the side of my neck. Tingles erupt across my skin.

“Pretend I’ve kissed you here a thousand times already.” His hands leave my hips to skate up my sides and land on either side of my jaw. He tilts my head and moves to the other side of my throat. “Pretend I have every inch of you mapped out like the back of my hand.” His hand slides around my back and drops low to just above my rear end. “Pretend I know you have a two-inch birthmark right here.” Reality is colliding with fantasy because I do have a birthmark right there. I’m on the brink of spiraling, remembering he’s seen me naked, but he moves on quickly.

His lips lose contact and he takes a handful of my curls in between his fingers, raising them to his nose to breathe in. “Pretend I was the one who washed your hair with this coconut shampoo before we came here tonight.”

Oh my gosh. I can’t breathe or swallow or think or move or live any longer. My soul has reached nirvana and I’m not coming back. Nathan is overwhelming. He’s powerful and yet oh so gentle. How has it taken me so long to experience this side of him? And if he’s truly pretending, his acting is next level.

“Pretend,” he says in a gravelly tone, quiet enough for only me to hear as he drags his thumb across my lower lip. “I am off my face for you, and all you want right now is for me to kiss you.” He lowers his head so his lips are hovering just a fraction over mine. I’m aching for him. Dying for his mouth to land on mine and BE DONE WITH IT. I close my eyes and part my lips and feel his barely brush against mine as he points out, “You’re not giggling anymore.”

I drag in a deep breath then whisper, “No. I’m not.”

Finally, Nathan’s lips press into mine. It’s the softness of a rose unfurling. It’s velvet brushing over silk. Dipping your toes in a hot bath and languidly inching your body into the water so you don’t get burned.

I’ve dreamed of this kiss for years, but in my imagination, I was never able to accurately conjure the rich, taut texture of his skin, or the strength he’s trembling to restrain behind his powerful hands.

All of the space between us closes as Nathan pulls me in tighter. Our hips meet and I’m in his arms fully now, dragging a deep inhale of him into my lungs. Into my veins. Into my soul. I can’t get enough of him.

Can this really be happening?

Yes, his lips say as they press into mine over and over. Searching. Exploring. Coaxing. My palms slide up over his chest to lock around his neck. While I’m here, I might as well take some liberties. I get my paws in the back of his hair, right at the nape of his neck where it curls deliciously. He makes a quiet groan of appreciation and everything speeds up. It’s a kick drum now with a rising tempo. He parts my lips. I taste him and he tastes me.