The Cheat Sheet

My sister deflates and whispers, “I don’t know what any of this means!”

“Neither do I. Do your best.”

Lily eventually pleases the master, and we move on to eyeshadow. The brush trembles in her fingers as it advances toward my lid, and she repeats Dylan’s instructions. “A bird flying over the canyon with gold dust on its wings…got it.” His eyeball is taking up most of the screen he’s sitting so close to it.

Once my makeover is complete, I look in the mirror. Both Dylan and Lily swoon at the sight of me, which brings tears to my eyes. “I can’t believe this is real. I get to marry my best friend tonight.”

Lily sniffles and lays her head on my shoulder.

Dylan swipes a misty tear from his cheek and nods. “Yes, girl, you do. Now, stick that hand in your bra and bob those little duckies toward the surface.”

Nice. A much needed tear eraser.

Nathan texts Lily his minute-by-minute agenda, saying it’s our wedding day so I shouldn’t be bothered with logistics. It’s 11:00 PM now, about an hour after the game, and Lily is ushering me through the hotel lobby and out into the night. The cold air sweeps over my arms, and like the most well-executed kidnapping, a blacked-out SUV pulls up to the curb. Lily opens the door and thrusts me into it. It slams shut behind me, and I’m worried for a minute that she didn’t make it in with me. Whew. She did. Everything is okay.

I look around the interior and feel a tug of sadness that Nathan’s not in here. I haven’t seen him all weekend minus that brief moment when he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. No big deal.

Lily must see my expression. “He’s already at the chapel. He wanted everything to feel as much like a real wedding day for you as he could. You’re not going to believe the things he pulled together in this short time.”

I can believe it, because that’s just Nathan. Now, with clear eyes, I can see that there’s no length he wouldn’t cross for me—it’s how it’s always been with him.

Which reminds me how deeply unromantic I am. “Oh no!” I pat my sides like pockets might suddenly appear. “His ring!”

Turns out, in Vegas, there are hundreds of places to buy a wedding ring at the drop of a hat. We bought Nathan’s on our way back to the hotel. (Well, technically Nathan bought it since he made me use his credit card. I accepted his money, because, remember? Two dollars and a piece of gum.)

Lily smiles and digs in her purse for the ring box, holding it up triumphantly. “Yep, I got it. Just so you know, your head would fall off if it wasn’t attached.”

“Awww, you make me feel so good on my wedding day.”

“And then you’d use that head as a ball and get distracted with a bunch of kids in a field, starting up a new afterschool program where they use your head as the soccer ball.”

I grimace. “Morbid. Just really dark humor.”

She shrugs like, It is what it is. Just some casual wedding day cheer.

After a few minutes of my leg bouncing and my fingers tapping my knee, Lily slides over to take the seat closer to me. She puts her hand on my knee. “You know, I just realized, with Mom not here, I have a very important job.”

“And what’s that?”

Her smile goes wicked. “Explaining the wedding night bliss to you.”

“Oh my gosh. Don’t you da—”

“So honey, you might have noticed some interesting sensations when you and Nathan have kissed before. Don’t feel frightened—”

I talk right over her, trying to cup my hand over her mouth. “This is not my first time, Lily. I know what I’m doing! Ew, stop saying that word—”

“…and that’s what happens when everything is done.” She shimmies her shoulders, undeterred by my aggressive paw swiping at her mouth. “Now, a few fun tricks I’ve learned, and you can text me a thank-you later.”

I’m laughing so hard I can barely hear her. I cover my ears to muffle the sound of her voice and drop my head between my knees. “I don’t want to hear about your weird sex with Doug! La-la-la. OH MY YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT WORD TO YOUR BABY SISTER.”

She torments me with her sexual tips the rest of the drive, and this will surely go down in history as one of my favorite days.

Did I say one of my favorite days? I mean my ABSOLUTE favorite day of my entire existence.

We pull up to the chapel and I’m whisked out by an entourage of people I’ve never met before. A woman carrying a clipboard drags me quickly inside the small white Vegas chapel, and I’m surprised that on the inside it doesn’t smell like liquor and strippers. I barely have time to register anything as she tugs me into a little room off to the side of the main double doors. Lily holds my hand the whole way.

The woman whips around, out of breath, clutching her clipboard like it holds the codes to Area 51. “Hi. Hello. Happy wedding day! I’m here to assist you into your dress.”