At First Hate (Coastal Chronicles)

I was still in my black cocktail dress and heels and had driven to the event with Maddox, which I was now realizing was a mistake. I’d have to get an Uber or something home.

But as soon as my feet were out on the old familiar roads with the old familiar Halloween crowds through Savannah, my exhaustion fell off. I stepped into one of the squares under the Spanish moss and breathed in my home. It had been awhile since I’d been back to visit. Gran had chided me for being too busy, but work had kept me occupied.

I stepped out of the square and out onto Bay Street. It was crowded despite the hour, and I pressed myself back into the overhang to avoid a raucous crowd of ghost-tour revelers. Suddenly, the door behind me pulled open, and I teetered on my heels before falling backward into the stranger.

“Oof,” I gasped.

Hands came down around my waist. “Oh God, I’m sorry.”

I stopped struggling and came slowly back to my feet. “My bad.”

“I didn’t expect anyone to be there.”

I turned around to thank my rescuer, but when I saw who it was, I ceased breathing entirely. Derek and I gaped at one another. I hadn’t seen him in three years. Not since we’d broken up at Harvard. I’d had no idea he was even in Savannah. My brain couldn’t process any of it.

“Hey,” he said finally.

“Derek,” I said, stepping backward.

“Mars.”

His eyes swept my fancy cocktail dress, down my pale legs, to the stilettos on my feet. I’d even gone to get my hair and makeup professionally done for the event. I had never really figured out how to make my curls behave. He looked at me as if he’d never seen me before.

“You look… stunning.”

I blushed and took another tentative step backward. “Thank you.”

He looked just as gorgeous as he always had. Though… rumpled. I’d seen Derek in every state of dress or undress, but I’d never thought of him as rumpled before. He had on a black suit with a white shirt and blue tie. The top button had been undone and his tie pulled loose from around his neck. The suit fit him perfectly, but it was as if he’d been sleeping in the thing. His eyes seemed distant or just exhausted. Even worse than those years of law school, which had wrung him dry.

“I…” He ran a hand back through his hair. It was longer than he’d worn it in college. The slight curl giving way to a full wave. Somehow, I liked it even more. “What are you doing in Savannah?”

“Maddox and Josie had a thing at the SCAD Film Festival.” I glanced up at the building we were hovering in and saw the words Ballentine Law. “You’re working for your dad?” It came out as more of an accusation than I’d intended.

He nodded. His jaw set. “Yeah. You?”

“Emory,” I told him. “Neuroscience faculty.”

“Of course. Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” I said softly.

It had been three years. Three long years without his face in my life. I’d dated since Derek. I’d even thought that I was in love. And somehow, one look at him made all the years just disappear.

Even if I couldn’t forget the hurt. And I needed to get away before I started to forget that too.

“Well… good night,” I said, taking another step past him.

For a few moments, as I walked away from him, I thought he’d let me go. He’d been hurt by what had happened too. A lot of what he’d said was true on my part. It had been both of our fault. Even if he’d driven the nail into the coffin.

But then he was there. “Wait…”

Wait. There was that word. That impossible word.

I stalled, took a deep breath, and then released it. Was I going to do this to myself? I bit my lip. Sometimes, love was messy and painful and made absolutely no sense, but it was still there regardless.

I turned back to face him. “What?”

“Don’t go.”

“Why?”

“Because… I don’t know.” He ran his hand back through his hair again. He looked lost, as if he truly had no idea why he had asked me to stop. “I can’t let you leave.”

I gulped. “I know that feeling.”

“Get a drink with me.”

I shouldn’t.

“One drink.”

Then, his smile hit me full-on. I felt like he crushed all the air from my lungs when he looked at me like that. Flashes of memories cascaded through my mind. Nights spent wrapped in his arms. The feel of his arms around me from the prow of his sailboat. A stolen glance over a stack of law books in the library.

I looked down. He was intoxicating, and I was drunk off of him in one glance. Fuck.

We walked side by side down Bay Street, veering toward City Market. We stopped at the bar of an upscale dining room. We were both dressed too nice for the dives, but this also felt safe. It wasn’t a place I’d ever go with anyone else. I had no memories at these sorts of places.