Chasing Serenity (River Rain 1)

As it had been when he left it, the door to the casket was up, and you could see her lying there.

Judge flinched slightly at something he hadn’t noticed before.

The inch and a half of gray roots in her hair before the faded red-blonde she got from God in her youth, a bottle later in life, started.

Even constantly wasted, in one way or another, she’d always managed to retain beauty.

“Good genes, buckaroo,” she’d say, pointing to her face…

Or his.

Judge wondered when the last time was his father had seen her.

He also wondered what kind of blow this was, both the women Jameson Oakley loved dying before they even got close to the age of sixty.

They moved to stand at the casket, Judge positioning so he could see his father and keep a finger on that pulse.

Jamie didn’t look away from Belinda.

Then, abruptly, his dad said, “She didn’t want to come to New York.”

Oh shit.

“Dad—”

His father’s eyes were tormented when they looked to his son. “She was a Texas girl through and through. Dirt under her feet. Wide open spaces. She was a force here. New York made her feel small.”

“It isn’t your fault.”

Jamie looked back down at Belinda Oakley. “You love her?”

Judge was confused. “Who? Mom?”

His gaze rose again to Judge. “No. Chloe.”

“Yes,” he stated with zero hesitation.

“Then get ready, son, because you will take on every hurt she feels. Every bump she sustains. Every blow that lands. When she’s sick, you’ll feel ten times sicker that you can’t heal her. When she’s sad, it’ll feel like torture that you can’t move a mountain to make her happy again.”

Judge stood still, staring at his father, not only because Jamie knew what he was saying, and he knew it down to the depths of his soul, the agony was written all over his face, and Judge felt that agony with his father.

But also because Judge knew he was right.

Judge couldn’t even hack Chloe bowing her head with the upset of dealing with her sister. He’d made her gain her feet and her equilibrium.

He couldn’t imagine enduring any of what his dad had endured.

“I know it wasn’t my fault,” his father continued. “But it will never stop feeling that way.”

“I want us to be closer.”

It just came out.

And Judge knew in that instant it did because it needed to.

And it was a long time coming.

Jamie’s head jerked. “Pardon?”

“I want us to be closer, and I want to be closer to Dru. I love my job, Dad, and I’m ready for more, but it will be in that same field. It’s who I am. It’s what I do. I’m good at it. I’ll want to contribute to a life that makes Chloe happy, and I just want more for myself, so I’ll need to make money for me, for her, for us, for the family we’ll eventually make. But you need to get over it, and when I say that, I mean you really do. Because if you don’t, Chloe will make that happen. And trust me, you don’t want to go there.”

Jamie’s mouth quirked and he nodded. “I’m sensing that about your girl.”

“She’s close to her family,” Judge carried on like Jamie didn’t speak, getting it out because it had to be said. “We have dinner with her mom or dad all the time. I want that. I want to give you to her. And I want you for myself.”

Jamie visibly swallowed before he remarked, “It’s my understanding she’s Tom and Imogen’s daughter.”

Judge knew what he was saying.

“She has a nest egg they’ve given her, but she’s ambitious. She’ll make her own way. There’s what we do to feed our own needs, but it all comes together in the middle, which will be us. I’m not saying I need to support her. I don’t have to support her. But I do. And I will. Do you get that?”

Jamie nodded again.

“Doing this, with her here,” he dipped his chin to his mom, “I’m not being a dick. She fought you because she never stopped loving you. If she didn’t give a shit, she wouldn’t have given a shit. But I got done a long time ago with my life being about her and her choices. I hope wherever she is, she wants me to have what I want. I hope when she was around, some part of her she didn’t let show wanted that too. And she knew, deep down, I always wanted to be with my dad.”

Jamie’s jaw clenched.

“So, can you get over it?” Judge pushed.

“I fucked up,” Jamie declared. “I did it trying to guide a son who’d already become a man. You think I have an issue, but I don’t. I wanted to contribute to your life. I wanted you to understand you could come to me for advice. I wanted you to know I want the best for you. The bottom line I didn’t get across is that I want you to be happy. That’s it. If what you do makes you happy, that’s it.”