A Kiss to Keep

Carter gives me a single nod of acknowledgment.

“And what about Marcus?” I ask Carter, quick to change the subject so I can get rid of this revolting churning in the pit of my gut. I know where I stand with Romano. One of us will kill the other, but he has everyone foaming at the mouth to end his life. I don’t know where I stand with Marcus, though. No one ever knows where they stand with him until it’s too late. “Is Marcus going to be a problem?”

Carter’s eyes are assessing as he stands from his desk, turning around to look out of his window as the snow starts to fall. I know somewhere beyond those trees Chloe is in bed still, sleeping, safe and sound.

“Marcus is always a problem.”

3

Chloe

“You hungry?” Bastian’s voice startles me and I jump back from the opened suitcase of clothes I set on the sofa.

His rough chuckle at my expense makes me want to smack him, but his strong arms wrapping around me send a warmth through me, calming all those nervous feelings that wormed their way in. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” he says low and deep, pulling my back into his chest.

As I reach up behind me to wrap my arms around his neck, he kisses the crook of my neck right in the small gap my baggy sleepshirt allows him.

With my eyes closed and breathing in his woodsy scent, I remind him, “I’m still mad at you.”

Last night we slept together, my legs tangled with his and my entire being happy to be by his side again. We avoided the argument for the time being … and then I woke up alone. It wasn’t until I found his note on the nightstand that the hollowness in my chest went away. He was only going to see Carter while I slept.

I don’t like this insecure feeling. The nerves are a permanent stitch in our relationship. Like one day I’ll lose him. I’ll wake up alone, and that’s how it will be for the rest of my life.

I don’t want another man to take his place. I only want Sebastian. His lies and hidden truths are what give me that feeling that it’s all going to unravel though. Lies he’s carried for years. Secrets he needs to let go of.

He rocks me gently, and that’s how he gets me every time. He didn’t use to give me this so easily, so freely. The touches, the kisses, the obvious need for me to feel loved.

And I didn’t use to feel like I needed it. But I do. I need him. I need this. Just like I need the air to breathe.

“So food? Yes?” he asks again and I stand up a little straighter, nudging him away because he doesn’t acknowledge the fact that there’s this gaping hole between us. How can we fix what he refuses to admit is broken?

“I’m going to unpack this stuff first.” My knee prods the suitcase and the insides of it jostle slightly as I get back to the unpacking I’ve been tending to. It’s mostly clothes and bathroom essentials. “I assume you’re having everything back home packed up and moved here without my knowledge?” I ask him, peeking over my shoulder just in time to see him cross his arms and lean against the wall.

My gaze drifts to the corded muscles that line his arms and I know he’s doing that shit on purpose.

It’s quiet and I hate that I think he’s not going to answer me, when suddenly he does.

“It can wait until you tell me you want to stay.” He readjusts and adds, “I know you like the apartment, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Are you thinking we could keep it? And have both places?” I ask him, noting his every moment as I fold a sweater I’d pulled out of the suitcase before he came in here.

“We have options,” he answers and I huff out a sarcastic laugh.

Options. I have to stare at the plush cream sweater as I toss it onto the sofa and then retrieve the next piece of clothing from the suitcase. It’s an old shirt of mine, but one of my favorites that reads Carpe Diem. I have never felt so much betrayal from a shirt before. Even this garment has taken Sebastian’s side.

“With you writing, we can go anywhere, do anything. Remember how you told me that?” he reminds me.

“I didn’t mean you could drag me along to wherever you wanted to go against my will,” I answer him flatly.

“You said you’d go wherever I wanted to take you. Change your mind?” he says, and the tone of his voice changes. The way the words float in the air longer, needing more attention and wanting to be heard so much more than any other words… the way he says them makes me pause.