Endless (Merciless 4)

She feels so right in my arms, and neither of us are willing to let go, but I feel so dizzy. So cold and confused. The room tilts suddenly. “Fuck,” I say, the word stretched in the air and the room tilts again, as if it’s trying to make me fall.

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” Aria tells me as she touches her fingertips to my face ever so gently. She sniffles and adds, “Since I’ve gotten to talk to you.”

“I just saw you.” It’s all I can manage to say, but Aria doesn’t seem to hear me.

“I love you so much,” she says, and her bottom lip wobbles when her eyes find mine. “Please tell me you forgive me. I need it, Carter.” She pulls at my hand, holding it in both of hers and cradling my hand to her chest.

“Stop crying,” I tell her, trying to breathe but feeling the air become thinner. It’s like I’m suffocating. Something’s wrong.

I don’t want to take my hand away from her, but I need to reach for my collar. I can’t fucking breathe. It’s then, when I think about moving my hand, that I feel how cold she is against my knuckles. And how still her chest is. And how pale she is.

“Aria.” Her name is whispered, but I don’t know if I’ve said it. The chill seeps into my blood. She’s not breathing.

“Carter, no. No,” she tells me as if she knows what I’m thinking. “It was supposed to end like this. I could never be in the middle of war. I was always going to be the one to die.”

What is she saying? No! I scream but there’s no sound that escapes from my mouth. The room is silent, save her plea to me. “It’s okay. When it happens… I’m okay dying for you. I just need you to forgive me, please. Forgive me and love me, as I love you. I’ll always love you.”

The prick at the back of my neck flows down every inch of my skin. The room darkens and I still can’t breathe. I can’t think. She can’t be dead. Aria! I scream again, but it’s silent.

“We don’t have much time. Please, please, Carter. Forgive me.” Her eyes search mine as I scream and it’s then she sees my mouth moving but there’s no sound.

She yells something at me as the distance between us stretches, but her voice is gone.

Aria! I scream her name, reaching for her and holding on to her cold hands with every ounce of strength I have. Don’t leave me! I forgive you! I pray she hears me but all she does is cry as the darkness invades every sense I have.

The gasp that fills my chest sends a pain spiking down my back and I fall off the sofa and onto the hard floor of the office. I’m sweating and my heart is beating wildly in my chest.

My elbow scrapes against the floor as I struggle to get up fast enough.

“Aria!” I scream out, even though there’s no way for her to hear me. “Aria!” It’s all I can say as I run to her, to my bedroom and throw the door open to find her small form in bed. It’s not enough. I can’t swallow, I can’t breathe, I can’t do anything until I yank the covers back and see her chest rise and fall. She moans a small protest in her sleep from the cold, but even still, I lay my hand against her chest, right where it was moments ago, but there’s warmth and the steady beat of her heart.

There’s a suffocating lump in my throat at the sight of her. Still alive and still here with me. I fall to my knees beside her before covering her with the sheets again.

She doesn’t stir from her sleep, and a glance at the nightstand reveals a bottle of painkillers she must have found in the bathroom. It makes sense, given her arm. She’s passed out after taking the last two pills I had. But she’s here, and she’s alive.

It was only a dream. But it felt so fucking real. I struggle to breathe on the floor beside her and even worse, I struggle to get the vision of her out of my head.

I won’t sleep until this is over.

I’ve never hated myself more. I don’t care if she lied. I don’t care if those words didn’t come from her. I’ve never loved anything or anyone in this life like I do her, the Aria I know, the woman who I know loves me in return. The girl I took and broke, then placed the splintered pieces back together as best I could.

I won’t let her die.

Aria Talvery, my songbird, can’t die.

Chapter 11

Aria

There’s so much pain when I wake up, I feel sick. Literally sick to my stomach as I roll onto the wrong side, my left side, and a screaming pain shoots down my back and then travels up the front of me.