Endless (Merciless 4)

Through my lashes, I peek at Connor, who doesn’t respond. That’s when it hits me that Connor knew too.

Adrenaline spikes through me, numbing me as Connor’s gaze catches mine.

“I don’t work for Romano,” Connor tells me before I have to ask. “But I’ve known what Nik has – all of us have – for years.”

My gut churns. My throat’s tight as I look up at Nik. “You didn’t tell me?” The words are merely whispers.

Nik doesn’t speak, he only looks down at me with regret, but Connor answers in his place. “Your father will kill us if he finds out we know, Aria.” I can barely tear my gaze from Nik to look back at Connor. “You didn’t deserve to be put in the middle.”

The irony of his words aren’t lost on me.

“I had to stay and as everything happened, I did what I had to do to survive.”

“You didn’t have to stay,” I argue.

“Yes, I did.”

“Why did you stay? You could have left any time and just run.” I push the words out, containing my anger that’s dimming, and remembering all the times we’ve been together. At one time in my life, he was my everything, and yet, he held onto secrets that could have destroyed me.

It’s quiet for so long, I start to think I didn’t ask the question, until I look up at him.

He stares back at me with such pain in the depths of his haunted eyes. Pain that I don’t already know, yet somewhere deep in my soul I did know. I’ve always known.

“I could never leave you, Ria,” he tells me and then rips his gaze away to look straight ahead as his eyes gloss over.

“Then why let them take me?” I ask him and swallow the hard lump growing in my throat. “You gave me to Romano!” My voice raises and I can’t help it, but as it does, Nik grips me tighter and peers at me with a fierceness that’s undeniable.

He told me that he’s the reason I was taken. It’s Nikolai’s fault all of this started. If he loved me so much, why would he dare risk it?

“No, I didn’t. He fucked me over, and he’ll pay for that.” Nik’s jaw is hard and his eyes dark with anger. The kind of anger that I’ve seen before. Anger that comes with revenge.

“I wanted you away from this life,” he confesses to me, his shoulders relaxing as he stares out the window behind me. “Your father is getting older. Everyone knows his time is coming to an end. What do you think would have happened to you?”

I don’t answer Nik’s question.

“He promised he’d save you. I lured you out, taking your notebook, and I knew you’d try to retrieve it. I knew you’d think it was Mika. And Romano lied to me. I’m sorry, Ria. Your father doesn’t have long, and I needed to protect you. I needed you away from all of this.”

“It wasn’t your decision to make,” is all I can say to him. My notebook. It’s an odd feeling to have an object mean so much in a life where nothing is meaningful anymore.

“I can’t believe it was all you.”

“I had to save you,” he tells me and settles back into his seat, apparently done with the conversation.

It’s hard not to blame it all on him. Everything I’ve gone through. I struggle with all the emotions running through my blood.

“You love him, don’t you?” he asks me with a hint of disgust in his tone. “He’s brainwashed you.” He gives himself an explanation without waiting for my response.

“I do,” I say, staring Nikolai right in the eye. “I love Carter Cross…” I have to swallow before finishing. “But I’m not dumb enough to think we’d last… Because he doesn’t love me. Not how I need.”

My heart does this awful thing just then. It pumps, but it’s lifeless. It beats, but there’s no sound. It gives up on me in this moment, and I can feel it as it happens.

It’s a lie on my lips. I hear a whisper in the back of my head.

I have to remember why I left. I have to remember this life and what it does to people.

“I need to get out of here,” I murmur beneath my breath, not to Nikolai or Connor, but to myself.

“I can help you,” Nik is quick to tell me, pulling me close to him although I’m still in his grasp. “I’ll make it right. I’ll get you out of here, Ria. I just have to do one thing first.”

Chapter 18

Carter

“Of course he’d bring her back to him.” The words are accompanied by silence as we watch Nikolai and his crew pull up and wait for the gates of the Talvery estate to open.

She didn’t run to Nikolai – or even to her father. I fucking know she didn’t. She ran, and she had good reason with the way I treated her, but she didn’t run to him.