Imperfect Love (Heart of Hope 4)

That moment passed in the blink of an eye. Two days later, Brayden kissed me on the head as I was wheeled to surgery. I’d tried to be strong that morning as I kissed my kids goodbye, told them not to worry, and sent them off to school saying I’d see them in a couple of days. After that, I was a nervous wreck. I was so scared of what the doctors might find during surgery.

“I’m so proud of you, baby. I love you so much.” Brayden’s eyes were misty.

For the first time, the worry had lessened, and I was feeling a bit loopy from the effects of drugs. I looked up into his handsome face, his brilliant blue eyes. “I love you.” I tried to reach up to touch him, but my hands didn’t work. “Don’t let the nurses pick up on you. You’re too handsome, you know? But you’re mine.”

“I’m yours. Forever.”

I smiled, letting his words fill me with calm.

“Okay Mrs. Burrow, time to sleep,” I heard a voice say.

Holding on to Brayden’s words, I closed my eyes and let darkness come.

27

Brayden – One Year Later

I stood at the podium looking out over the large room of people. I was usually a confident man, but today, the weight of what I was doing, of what I was going to share, made me emotionally fragile. I was certain I wouldn’t get through it without crying but most of the people in the room would likely understand. Cancer had touched all their lives as well.

I cleared my throat. “I want to thank you all for coming to the opening of the Terra Burrow Cancer Support Center.”

The room quieted down and people finished taking their seats.

“Growing up, my life was chaotic. My mother did the best she could, but we were often in precarious, even dangerous situations. It’s safe to say that the world was a scary place for me. But I was never as scared as I was when I learned my wife had cancer. It’s a cliché, but then clichés are born in some truth, right? We don’t realize what we have until we lose it.” A well of emotion clogged my throat. I paused, pulling myself together.

“I fell in love with my wife the moment I met her, which was a problem because there was a no-fraternizing rule at the place we worked. Not that either of us cared. We were madly in love within the first week.”

There was soft laughter at my comment.

“I was certain when I married her that we’d have the fairy tale. And we did until I let it slip through my hands. I wasn’t always there when she needed me. I didn’t put enough focus on her and our two beautiful children. She’d actually consulted a lawyer, which shows just how bad things had gotten between us. Ours wasn’t an estrangement born from fighting, but instead it came from not paying attention.

I’d taken my soulmate, the woman who’d given me love and life and two wonderful kids, for granted, and I’d lost her because of it.”

I let that sit for a moment.

“It gets worse. I should have known she was being tested for cancer. I should have been by her side when the doctor told her the diagnosis. But we were so apart that I didn’t know because she didn’t tell me. In fact, she told me about the cancer in a fit of anger. I’d failed as a husband. I’d failed her.” Again, my voice quivered at the guilt I had about how much I missed by not paying attention to the fraying of our marriage.

“I’m sorry.” I took a drink of water and cleared my throat as sympathetic faces stared up at me. “I loved my wife. That never changed, never wavered, but somehow, we’d lost each other. I wanted it back, and I worked to be there for her. But I did a terrible job of it.” I hung my head as the guilt of that added to all the other guilt.

“At my lowest point, I was late to an appointment where she learned her cancer was worse than we thought. By chance, I came to the cancer support group in hopes I could figure out how to do better for her. It was here I learned how that chaotic childhood of mine was getting in the way of my being the husband she deserved. Members of the group held me together when after her surgery and next round of treatment, we learned that the cancer wasn’t responding as we’d hoped.” I pinched the bridge of my nose to try to hold myself together as memory of the day the doctor said we needed more surgery and more treatment after we’d been sure she’d be given a clean bill of health.

“In essence, the group…you all…saved me from getting lost in despair. I know I haven’t given back to you as much as you’ve given me. The renovation of this building and additional programming for cancer patients, survivors, and their families are my small down payment for all that you’ve given me. Not only will there be groups for patients and their families, including children’s groups, but also, we have set up a fund to provide financial assistance to families in need. I was so fortunate to have the resources to leave my work and spend all my time with my wife and children, but most people don’t have that. It’s not right that people have to sacrifice time with their precious families because of a job or to protect their health insurance.”

Soft clapping came from the group and I took a moment to regather my emotional control.

“I want to give a special thank you to Bob Connor, whose support during the worst moments of my life helped me get here today.”

Bob gave me a thumbs up from the audience.

“Before I let you go to discover all this new facility has to offer, I have one more thing I want to share.”

I looked out over the group of people and took a breath. “I’d like you to meet Terra Burrow, the woman who inspires me and makes me whole.” I held out my hand and Terra walked to join me.

The clapping was louder this time, as it should have been because she was a strong, radiant woman. Her hair had fallen out during her treatment, but now it was back worn in a short spiky style that made her look fierce and sexy. She was finally gaining weight again, giving her the curves that made me salivate. Her breasts, while not originals, made her feel confident and beautiful, and therefore added to her attraction.

I kissed her cheek, feeling so fucking grateful that I could. She was here by my side. Healthy. Happy. Mine.

“A year ago, I was more terrified than I’d been as a child living on the streets. This woman is everything to me, and the thought of losing her brought me to my knees. The fantastic doctors and staff at the hospital cared for her and she’s here with me today. The support group helped make sure I’d been able to hold it together to be there for my children and my wife through this very difficult year. Because we’re both grateful for that, we hope you’ll accept and enjoy this facility. We give it with much appreciation for what you’ve given us. Thank you.”