Sam's Secret (Icehome)

Someone has hurt her in her past, I think. Betrayed her trust.

Once that trust is gone, it cannot be walked back with simple words. I think about Tia, and how, after I'rec and the others abandoned her, she turned her attention on me with flirty smiles. My trust was gone then, too. It did not matter what she said to me, or how sweet her words were. She had broken the thing inside me that made me want her, and there was no fixing it. My mother says that a metlak will not return to a trap once it breaks free, and so it is with trust. Once it is gone, it takes time to return.

I understand this, and I will be patient with Sam.

I watch her expression tense in her dreams, and I think about my interactions with her in the past. Sam is beautiful. All of the humans have a delicateness to their features, but Sam has large, lovely eyes that express her emotions. Her mane is a pale yellow with a hint of orange to it, like a sunrise. And her smile…my cock grows stiff and aching at the thought of her smile. Truly, my khui has chosen the perfect female for me. When I was here three turns of the seasons ago, though, Sam was cheerful enough, and she seemed happy. Now, though, I remember small things that add up to more. I remember that she never wished to go hunting with any male, ever. She would drag one of the other females with her everywhere she went. I remember that she did not tease like Flor or Tia. Sam would laugh with you, but she would never pretend interest in you. She saw everyone as a friend.

And I remember the beach games, when someone touched her and she panicked, crying out. Don't touch me! Don't fucking touch me! No one understood it at the time, but I grasp it more now. I think about how alarmed she was when I came up behind her. The answer is somewhere in there, I think. Someone hunted Sam in the past. Someone scared her, and so I must win her trust again. I will show her that I am her friend, Sessah. That I can be trusted.

When she is comfortable enough, she will come to my arms and we will be mates. The khui always wins. I simply need to let her come to me instead of pushing my needs onto her.

I touch my chest, listening to the song that hums there. Sessah can be patient, but Sessah's khui? That is the difficult part. Already I ache more than I thought possible. My cock feels heavy, my sac swollen with seed. I will lose control and burst if she even looks over at me, I just know it. I dare not sleep on my stomach, because the furs might tickle my skin too much. I roll on my side, facing away from her, because that feels safest.

And I clench my hands tightly closed so I do not reach for my cock in my sleep.

Heat floods through my veins. I am in the fruit cave with Sam, and she turns and smiles at me. Her eyes are bright and lovely, her lips pink and enticing. She leans forward and stares at my face, wanting a kiss, but I do not kiss her. I am patient, I remind myself. I will wait.

When I do not touch Sam, she leans forward and licks my flat teat, right over the nipple. She speaks, but she talks in her human tongue and I do not understand her words. She babbles at me, pressing her face against my skin and touching her mouth to my chest. She slides lower, laughing and sweet, and her hands push under my loincloth. Sam is naked, I realize, and her hands are eager as she grasps my cock. She says something in her human tongue again, and then she licks her lips.

It is clear what she wants. She is going to put her mouth on me. All over me.

"Sam," I breathe, fascinated by how bold and lovely she is. How eager her hands are as she grips me. How pink her lips as she lowers her head…

I jolt awake, covered in sweat. My khui is singing so loudly it has brought me from sleep, and my cock is so hard that it feels as if it is made entirely of bone. My spear has a softer point, I think ruefully. I suck in several deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I do not trust my control enough to touch my cock.

Even the slightest pressure, and I feel I will erupt.

How am I going to get through the day being near Sam but unable to touch her?

I lie in the furs, waiting for my heart to stop pounding, for my khui to quiet down, for my body to become mine again. As time passes, however, I start to wonder if I will feel like this until I completely fulfill resonance. I want to—more than anything—but I will not push Sam into it.