When Sparks Fly

“Yeah. He understands what happened, or didn’t actually happen. He knows he wasn’t rational, and he doesn’t want that to happen again, so he’s working through it.”

I flop back into the cushions and blow out a breath. I can see how wrong this went on both sides. “No wonder he lost it the way he did.” It was never just about Sam; it was everything, all his fears rolled together and laid out before him.

“He loves you, Ave, more than any of us realized, to be honest. He’s working on himself because he doesn’t want to repeat his parents’ history. Give him some time, he’ll come around.” Mark pulls me into a hug.

“Oh, and he left this here last week.” Jerome picks up a slightly tattered newspaper crossword from the side table. The downs are all finished, the across waiting to be completed.

27

ACROSS CROSSROADS

AVERY

That night when I get home, London is sitting in the living room watching DIY craft videos, likely for one of her centerpiece creations.

“How was your visit with the guys?” she asks as she snips away at some fabric.

“Good, but not the same as it is when Declan is there.”

She sets her scissors down and gives me her attention. “Have they heard from him?”

I drop down in the chair across from her. “Yeah, apparently he’s going to therapy.”

“Oh wow. That’s serious.”

“It is. He always brushed it off as pointless since he already knows his parents’ relationship is the reason he’s so messed up.”

London pours bright blue sand into the bottom of a glass fishbowl. “Can I say something without you getting upset?”

“Probably. Why? What is it?”

“I think he sort of had a right to be upset with you, regardless of his reasons.”

I open my mouth to protest, but she holds up her hand to stop me from interrupting. “I’m not saying the way he dealt with it was right, or good, but he walked away from his friendship with Sam when things went sour with your relationship in college. He took your side. And then with one email, you drove over an hour to see Sam? That had to hurt, regardless.”

I take a moment to really think about what London is saying and realize that she has a point. “I think I knew he was going to be upset about it, and I thought it would be better to ask forgiveness than permission. It seemed like such a good opportunity for Spark House,” I say meekly.

“I get it, Avery. But you can’t always put Spark House before everything else.”

“I was trying to right a wrong. I think that was all I could see, not what it could do to my relationship with Declan.”

London’s expression is empathetic. “We Spark women are independent, but this was one scenario where it would have been better to talk it out first instead of asking for forgiveness later. Can you imagine how betrayed you would feel if the roles had been reversed?”

I don’t know how I’d feel if Declan suddenly decided he wanted to be friends with Sam again. Or to casually hang out with any of the women he’s previously been involved with. “How are we going to ever make this relationship work if he can’t trust me? He’s never even really had a girlfriend before, not a serious one.”

“No offense meant, Avery, but have you considered that maybe you’re not a relationship guru either? I’m not saying I am, or that I have the answers, because I don’t, but Sam was the only really serious relationship you’d been in. And since then, you haven’t put a lot of effort into trying to make another one work. Until Declan.”

She’s right. And now that I’m seeing things more clearly, I realize that I’m as much to blame as Declan. I should have told him, and maybe I should have realized that there was more to it than his feeling betrayed. “What do I do? How do I fix this?”

“Take responsibility for your actions, or your inactions in this case. Neither of you are right, but you’re also not wrong either. Relationships are about give and take, so give him something.”

“He left a crossword puzzle at Jerome’s place.”

“Um, okay?”

“We do them together every week. Or we did when we were living together. I took across and he did the downs. All the downs on this one were done and the across ones were empty.”

“Maybe he’s trying to reach out in the only way he knows how. Give him a hand to hold on to.” She pulls herself up from the floor and folds me into a hug. “You two have loved each other for so long, I can’t even begin to imagine how much it hurts to be separated like this.”

“It feels like half of my soul is missing.”

“Then get the other half back.”