Greek (Palm South University)

I just want to wake up and this all be gone.

I want to wake up and laugh at the audacity, at the outrageousness of even thinking Cassie could hurt me like this.

Barbed wire shreds my guts as I crawl over to my desk, pulling the top drawer open and reaching my hand inside. I feel around until I find what I’m looking for, and then I sit back on my heels, staring at the box in my hand as the hardwood digs into my knees.

I pop it open, and the diamond ring glistens in the Christmas lights, sending another pang of torture through my chest.

I fall back against the bed again so hard it moves, banging into the wall a bit and scraping against the floor.

Then I clutch the ring to my chest.

And I break.

I CAN REMEMBER A time when walking this very same walk would fill me with power.

I remember the sound of my heels clacking on Greek Row, the Boss Bitch energy flowing through me with the knowledge that I wore nothing but lacy lingerie under my long coat. I remember storming inside the Alpha Sigma house like I owned it, like I owned Kade.

And I did.

I had him wrapped around my little finger, and he had me.

It doesn’t seem possible that that moment was in this same lifetime, let alone just a little over a year ago. We were so new then, exploring each other, having fun — all under the premise that I was training him to be good in bed, to be good with girls, and he was just helping me medicate my broken heart.

How quickly that turned to love.

How easily he became one of my best friends.

How comfortably he fit into my life, and made me fit into his.

The thought makes me sick as I walk Greek Row now, feeling about as out of place as a bride wearing black. This wasn’t my home anymore, these weren’t my streets to rule, and this wasn’t my man to own.

I don’t even know what I’ll find when I get to the Alpha Sigma house now, if the boy who first caught my attention on that cruise ship will shine through, or if the man I fell in love with will still be there, or if they’ve both been replaced by the shell of who he’s become in the time it’s taken me to damn near kill him.

It’s an effort to hold my dinner down when I walk through the door — open, as per usual, the living room filled with brothers. Half of them are at the long dinner table in the back, textbooks and laptops spread out around them, and the other half are trying and failing to be quiet as they play video games on the big screen. I don’t get more than a few glances when I walk in — and since I look like absolute shit, no one stares long enough to care who I am.

I walk slowly back to Kade’s room, stomach in knots, but find it empty.

“He’s outside hanging Christmas lights,” one of the brothers says to me, and then he’s texting away on his phone and walking back down the hall.

I blow out a breath, following him until I’m rounding the dining room and making my way to the courtyard.

I stop at the sliding glass door when I spy him, standing at the bottom of a tall ladder and pointing at something on the roof as he instructs the brother at the top of the ladder where to hang the next strand. His face is aglow, the light and shadow of the night playing against his muscles. It’s pleasantly cool tonight, and he’s wearing a long sleeve A Sig shirt and black sweatpants that make me want to curl up with him on the couch.

My eyes water, heart stinging in my chest.

And as if he senses the spirit of our past, too, he stops what he’s doing, frowns, and turns to find me staring at him.

There’s no confusion in this face when he finds me, no surprise or shock. It’s a lifeless sort of stare, one laced with pain and accusation and something a lot like hope. He swallows after a moment, muttering something to the brother on the ladder before he makes his way to me.

I open the sliding glass door, meeting him halfway, and the brothers who were working outside with him give me a polite nod and hello as they squeeze past me and inside, shutting the door behind them.

An eerie quiet falls over us, brothers laughing and talking inside, but the sound muted by the soft hum of the night. The Christmas lights that have been successfully hung glow above us, the other strands curled at our feet, waiting for their turn.

Kade’s eyes search mine for a long moment before his body ebbs toward me, like he wants to wrap me in a hug, but he stops himself, shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweats, instead.