Retribution (The Protectors 3)

Bone-wrenching fear.

Because I absolutely and completely believed Tate. And because it changed nothing. Except that I was going to end up hurting him again.

“It doesn’t change anything, does it?” Tate asked quietly, eerily voicing my own thoughts.

“No,” I finally managed to say.

“You could have something different, Hawke. With me…with Matty,” Tate whispered desperately.

I felt like I was having a panic attack as the pain in my chest increased. Why the hell hadn’t I just let Tate go after he’d made his admission?

“I can’t just let her go, Tate,” I said with a shake of my head. “What if every time I looked at you, all I saw was her? What if I only see the child I should have had when Matty’s talking to me about something? He deserves better than that. You both do.”

“We do,” Tate agreed. “Goodbye, Hawke. Just…just stay safe, okay?” Tate said, his voice breaking as he turned back to the door.

I shook my head in disbelief at what was happening. And I knew in that moment that I wasn’t ready.

I wasn’t ready to tell him that I did love him. I wasn’t ready to tell him how much I wished there was a place in my life for him and his son. But more than anything, I wasn’t ready to let him go.

I closed the distance between us and used my body to press Tate’s front against the car door. “Don’t,” I whispered in his ear as I wrapped my arm around his chest and dragged him back against me.

Tate was shaking in my hold as his hands came up to grab my forearm where I was holding him, but he didn’t try to push me away.

“One more night, Tate,” I begged, wrapping my other arm around his waist. He stiffened against me and I knew it was because I hadn’t told him what he needed to hear. What I was asking was cruel, but I couldn’t will myself to watch him walk away. I couldn’t bear the idea of not feeling his body beneath mine one more time. I couldn’t not taste him again.

The last time I’d begged for anything was the night I’d been in that ER watching Ronan work on my wife. And my desperation was just as clawing now as it had been then. “Please, Tate.”

Tate let out a harsh sob and then he nodded and turned his head and searched out my lips. My whole body went weak with relief as Tate twisted in my arms until he was facing me and crushed our mouths together. And then his arms went around my neck and he buried his face against the crook of my shoulder. “I love you so much. So much, Michael.”

I wanted so badly to say the words back.

But I couldn’t.

I just fucking couldn’t.

So I did my best to show him.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Tate

The only thing Hawke grabbed besides my hand after I’d whispered my admission for the second time was his bag from his truck. He released me long enough to unlock the front door and I barely managed to close the door behind me before he dragged me up the stairs. The second we were in his room, his mouth sought out mine and the last of my tears dried up as he made love to my mouth. As heartbroken as I was that he would never love me back, I needed Hawke more than I needed my pride. I’d pick up the pieces tomorrow. Tonight I would take enough of him to see me through the times in my life when I needed to pretend again.

I lifted my arms as Hawke tugged my shirt off and then I was reaching for his. Our mouths barely parted as we undressed one another and the second I was naked, Hawke maneuvered me to the bed and turned on the small lamp on the nightstand. But instead of laying me on my back, he urged me to lie down on my front and then he was hovering over me, his warm body blanketing mine. He kissed me for a long time before lifting up just enough so that he could kiss the back of my neck. As impatient as my body was for more, I loved every second of what he was doing to me. It was like he was worshiping me as he placed unhurried, gentle kisses all along my shoulders, collarbone and neck. And then his lips were trailing down my spine and I felt the goosebumps rise on my flesh as he grazed his nails over my back as he worked his way lower. I expected him to stop once he reached the globes of my ass, but he didn’t. He just kept kissing me and didn’t stop until he’d reached my feet. As turned on as I was, my body also felt boneless and I didn’t protest when his hand closed over my hips and dragged me backwards until my ass was hanging off the bed, my feet flat on the floor.