Shattered (The Protectors 11)

“I heard Eli and Mav talking about it once… that’s what happened to Dante’s younger brother. He was taken when he was just a little boy and… and sold…”

I hadn’t actually met Aleks, but I’d occasionally met his brother, Dante, who worked with Mav and Memphis. Dante and his fiancé, Magnus, had found Aleks a couple of years earlier and had managed to rescue him from the man who’d been holding him captive. From everything I’d heard, Aleks was still struggling to find some sense of normalcy in his life. To think Jace’s sister had been taken to be used like that…

I felt like I was going to be sick. “No,” I whispered. I’d wanted to be strong for Jace, but I was failing miserably. He was holding himself together just fine, but I felt like I was going to come apart.

“Are you sure?” I asked. Jace looked blurry through my watery eyes.

“I’m sure,” Jace said. “I’ve managed to find things here and there about her, but every time I think I’m getting close, the trail goes cold. I was there a few weeks ago, but the lead I was given didn’t pan out.”

I wanted to say something meaningful, something that would give him strength or hope, but I couldn’t manage to say anything at all, because my tears chose that moment to start streaking down my face. Jace’s sister had to be so damned scared, and the suffering she endured every single day of her life…

“Hey,” Jace said as he leaned into me and then drew me forward. I felt the milk get plucked from my fingers and then I was being drawn against Jace’s chest.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted.

“For what?”

“For not saying the right thing… for not making it better somehow. Because it can’t be better. I can’t even imagine how scared you must be but you’re so strong—”

“Not strong,” Jace murmured with a shake of his head before he pressed his lips against the top of my head. “Just really good at faking it.”

I wouldn’t have believed him if it hadn’t been for the fine tremor that I felt go through his body. And the way he was holding me… so okay, maybe I couldn’t give him the right words, but maybe this moment was enough for now.

But he was wrong about one thing… he was strong. I would have given anything for even an ounce of whatever it was that kept him moving forward, despite the inevitable hopelessness he must have felt every time he’d had another lead on his sister dry up.

“And Caleb?”

“Yeah?”

His arms closed around me even tighter. “This helps,” he said gruffly.

I didn’t resist when Jace maneuvered us so that we were lying down. Unlike the previous times he’d held me as we’d slept, this time I was pressed up against his chest, my head tucked right beneath his chin. His fingers sifted through my hair and I found myself sinking more of my weight down onto him, even as my brain tried to warn me that I was getting too close.

“Make me understand, Caleb,” Jace said softly.

It didn’t take a genius to know what he was really asking me. I suspected he had a million questions for me, but the surprise would have been if he’d led with anything that wasn’t related to the scars on my arm.

“I don’t understand it myself sometimes,” I admitted.

“When did it start? I don’t remember… I don’t…” His voice dropped off, but I didn’t need him to continue. He didn’t remember seeing the scars on me when we’d first met two years earlier or the one Christmas we’d spent together.

“About six months ago,” I said. I could feel my anxiety building, so I began toying with the material of his shirt. “This kid from school told me about it. I walked in on him when he was doing it in the bathroom. I saw the blood in the sink and the razor blade in his hand and I thought he was trying to kill himself. I told him I’d get help, but he just laughed at me. Said help was already there and then he lifted the razor blade. I couldn’t stop thinking about it – he was so… relaxed. Almost… happy.”

I was still playing with Jace’s shirt when his hand settled over mine. I smiled against his chest when he began to thrum our fingers together. I wondered how he knew I needed to keep some part of me moving at that point. Most people needed quiet to focus.

I wasn’t most people.

Quiet and I didn’t do well together.

“I’d been getting into trouble with Mav and Eli the past year because they caught me drinking a lot. The alcohol made it so I didn’t have to feel anything, but it was too hard to hide. I didn’t want to risk messing around with drugs, since I’d seen what they’d done to Nick.”