Forgotten Luca (The Four 1)

Not physically.

And most certainly not mentally.

In fact, he was so far gone I couldn’t even conceive of the fact that he was now even further out of my reach than he’d been when he was missing.

“Don’t worry yourself about it,” Remy said, the smile fading away. “They turned me into a junkie, not a psycho.”

I knew who “they” were.

The men who’d taken him and forced him into a life no child should ever have to even know about, let alone face.

The confirmation that he was indeed an addict made something seize in my chest. My PI had found evidence that Remy had been enrolled in a methadone program when he’d arrived in Seattle two years earlier, but I’d wanted to believe that meant his life had gotten…

What, Luca? Better? How the fuck does life get better after something like that?

I didn’t have an answer for the question.

“So Joe is your sponsor,” I said as I stood. I saw Remy tense up slightly, but otherwise he didn’t react.

“Was,” Remy corrected. “He OD’d six months ago.” Remy crossed his arms. “He’d been sober twelve years. Then his wife left him and he went in search of his old friend… they say it doesn’t take much to have you wanting to reach for that needle,” he added casually.

Like it was all some foregone conclusion.

“Could be something as simple as a smell that reminds you of the room you used to get high in… or someone who looks like your dealer… or something from your past shows up to remind you how fucked up the world really is.”

I ignored the not-so-subtle message.

“And the voice?” I asked. “Joe’s voice?”

Remy actually looked guilty for a moment. “Aleks would come over here if he knew I was by myself.”

“They were already here,” I said as I motioned to the door behind him. “I was half expecting my brother to break the damn thing down, with the way Aleks was calling your name.”

I didn’t tell him that I also figured the hotel I was staying at probably would have been Aleks and Vaughn’s next stop after Remy’s apartment. My brother had messaged and called me multiple times, but I’d ignored his efforts to reach out to me.

I began walking toward Remy. With every step I took, he got more tense.

Other than being a little too thin, he was a beautiful man, and I didn’t recognize any of the child he’d been when I’d first met him. His hair was a lush brown that had lighter streaks running through it. It was haphazardly styled, like he was the kind of person who ran his fingers through the silky-looking locks a lot and didn’t realize it. His eyes were a deep blue color and he had full eyebrows, a straight nose, and a square jaw with just a hint of stubble on it. But it was his mouth that I was having the hardest time keeping my gaze off of.

His lips were a soft shade of pink and there was no other way to describe them than totally kissable.

I lifted my eyes and saw that Remy was watching me with what could only be called caution.

He’d undoubtedly noticed me checking him out.

“Nice trick with the voice,” I said. “If I hadn’t been looking at you, I definitely would have been fooled.”

“I’m good at tricks,” Remy said, his hard eyes pinning mine. My confusion must have shown because he tilted his head at me. “Oh, so he didn’t tell you,” Remy said softly.

I’d closed the distance between Remy and myself by at least half, but something in the way he said those last words had me coming to a stop. None of this encounter was happening how I’d envisioned it. I’d just wanted the chance to make sure Remy was okay and try to explain why I’d done what I’d done eight years earlier. Maybe we could…

What?

I didn’t have an answer for myself. Well, I did, but they were all selfish ones.

Maybe he’ll forgive me and I can stop hearing his sobs in my head every time I close my eyes.

Maybe he’ll say he’s okay and there was nothing I could have done differently.

Maybe he’ll tell me he’s happy and I can finally fucking breathe again.

Remy kept moving toward me, his eyes never leaving my face. I expected him to stop long before he reached me, but he didn’t. He didn’t stop until his body was practically brushing mine. His right hand came up to stroke down my chest and my cock instantly responded. I’d already felt like the lowest form of life on the planet for the fact that I’d been half-hard since he’d walked into the apartment, but now I just wanted to curl up into a ball of shame because I couldn’t control my reaction to his nearness.

And my entire life was about control.