Finally Found (Doms of Destiny, Colorado 10)

“Are you having nightmares, too, sweetheart?” Jacob asked.

“No. I used to about the fire, though in the bad dream I could only smell smoke. I always woke up screaming.”

Jacob put his arm around her. “But no more?”

“No. Not in a long time.” She took a deep breath, ready to tell the two men she trusted most in the world her darkest secret. “I’m not sure how to say this. My mind isn’t normal. It’s broken. I have entire gaps in my past, voids that I cannot get to. The only thing I remembered about Matt was the color of his eyes, and even then I wasn’t sure that memory was real.”

“You were only three when you last saw him, Carrie,” Jacob said. “It’s a wonder you remembered anything about him at all.”

“It’s not just that, Jacob. You both remember that list I kept of all the churches?”

They nodded.

“I remember some of them, but most of the names of the churches I don’t recognize even though I’m the one who wrote them down on my list. Crazy, I know. The few memories I do have are not good. Having to put on a smile when all I wanted to do was cry. Willie beating me, over and over, until I passed out. He is the only constant memory I have. He and Mrs. Kearns.”

“The woman who taught you about horses and the stars,” Josh said.

“I think she really cared for me. I had even planned on telling her all about what Willie had done, but before I could we were gone. And so was my chance to escape. Guys, I don’t know why my memories disappear, but they do. What happens if I forget you, forget all we’ve shared together?” She leaned back in her chair, hating what she must say next. “You two deserve a woman who is sane, a woman without so much baggage…a woman who is not a mental case like me.” She closed her eyes, feeling her heart begin to rip apart. I can’t ask them to stay. It wouldn’t be fair.

Josh wrapped his arms around her. “Look at me.”

She opened her eyes and gazed into his.

“You are not a mental case.”

“But—”

“No buts.” Josh’s tone was firm and commanding, reaching something deep inside her, a part of her that wanted to be cared for, to be protected, to be conquered so she could surrender all her fears.

Jacob touched her cheek. “I’m certainly no expert, but I’ve read that when people have gaps in their memory, it’s often just a defense mechanism. A way to survive and get through very dark times. I’m certain Sam could help you with this.”

“Listen to him, sweetheart. It makes sense what he’s saying. Jacob has been through hell and back,” Josh said. “So have you. You had such a horrible childhood with no one to turn to. But now you do. You have us.”

Josh and Jacob were the heroes she’d been searching for her whole life, two knights to rescue her from Willie, from the nightmares of dark smoke, from the horrors that had taken away her memories.

Josh kissed her, filling her with hope. “We won’t leave you. We won’t let you down.”

Jacob squeezed her hands, and the darkness fled. “Whatever you need, we’re here.”

Chapter Sixteen

Josh saw the light return to Carrie’s hazel eyes.

She got up on her tiptoes and offered him a kiss. He leaned down and devoured her mouth, tracing her lush lips with his tongue. He deepened their kiss and pulled her soft body in close.

He’d thought it best to go slow with her, to give dating a try. Dating? That wasn’t something he and Jacob had ever done with any woman. Not in the traditional way at least. But they’d both known Carrie deserved their best effort. And she was so much more than even they’d imagined. The pain and suffering she’d survived would’ve sent most into an asylum, or worse to suicide. But she’d survived a desperate past. The only scars left were the memories she’d lost. She was strong, but she saw herself as broken.

When he released her lips, he saw her cheeks turning a deep pink. When she smiled he knew her dark mood had vanished. “I want you, Carrie.”

Jacob kissed the back of her neck. “I want you, too.”

“And that’s what I want.” Her admission of desire took hold of him and his insides began to burn. “I need both of you.”

“God, you’re so perfect.” He kissed her again. “It’s us who needs you.” Every dominant part of him wanted to rip her clothes off and demand her sweet submission. But she wasn’t in the life. She hadn’t been trained. They hadn’t even discussed BDSM with her. He turned to Jacob. “Vanilla, right?”

Jacob nodded. But it was obvious he was struggling to keep his Dom side at bay.

“Vanilla?” Her smile alone thrilled him to no end. Whatever it took to make sure she was happy he would do. “Guys, I know what you mean when you say ‘vanilla.’ Traditional sex.”