Angel Falls

It made her sound like she belonged on a throne. Slowly she turned the page, and there, alone against a sea of white paper, was a dog-earred old black-and-white Kodak print.

It was a picture of her and her mother. In the background was the shack they’d lived in during apple harvest, twelve to a room with no working bathroom.

The memories of that time were still buried in Mikaela’s heart, as jagged and sharp as bits of glass. Those were the days that had shaped Mikaela’s spirit, snipped the edges off her dreams.

For all of her life, Mikaela had been running away from these memories, as if with enough speed she could distance herself from the truth. Now, she was standing still at last and she saw the past for what it had been. She saw these photographs not as a child, rather as a mother. Rosa had had no choices. Without an education, a poor Hispanic woman who barely spoke the language had no way out, except—

She looked up at her mother. “I would have done it, too, Mama. ”

“Done what?”

“William … the house … If Jacey had crawled into my arms and looked at me with sad, hungry eyes, I would have done it, too. ”

It was the first time Mikaela had ever seen her mother cry. “I would give anything to have loved him less and myself more, but I cannot regret that my sin gave you a chance for something better. ”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to say. ”

Impatiently, Rosa wiped her eyes. “Keep looking. ”

Mikaela turned the next page, then the next, and saw the few photographs of her childhood.

Then came the wedding picture. Julian and Kayla.

Mikaela gasped. This she had hidden. She remembered that; this photograph had been in a pillowcase in her—

“Liam found these while I was in the coma,” she said in a dull voice.

Softly, sadly, “Sí. ”

She could hardly imagine the pain it must have caused Liam to see her life in such vivid shots. She’d kept Julian hidden, both because no man could live up to such competition, and—if she was honest—because she couldn’t give up this secret obsession she called true love. She’d wanted the piece of herself that loved Julian to be hers alone. Not even Jacey was allowed to share him.

Maybe she’d been afraid that if she exposed her true feelings, if she talked about him as if he were someone ordinary, just a first husband, she’d fall out of love with him. And the thought of not loving Julian was more than she could bear. It had defined her for so long.

Mikaela turned the pages slowly, mesmerized by the images of the life she’d led.

She had forgotten how young she was when she married Julian.

At first, in the pictures, she was bright and beautiful and always smiling, but as the photos accumulated, she saw how thin she’d grown, how jaded her look had become.

In all the photographs of Mike with Jacey, it was just the two of them, alone. No smiling father. And later, as they waited for Julian, the pictures of them had been taken by strangers.

She sighed. “Oh, Mama. ”

Rosa flipped through a few pages, until she found the first pictures with Liam. “You see it?”

“See what?”

“Your smile. It is coming back here. I notice this the first time you send me pictures of you and Liam. ”

An aching sadness spread through Mikaela. “Why didn’t I love him, Mama? What’s wrong with me?”

“You know the answer to this question. ”

“I’ve made a mess of my life. ”

Rosa laughed. “You are young. It takes many years to truly make a mess of your life. This I know about. ”

Mikaela turned to her. “How will I fix it?”