Once in Every Life

He flinched. Sadness twisted his features, made him look infinitely old and tired. "Yesterday after the town meeting I told Ed Warbass to arrest me."

"Damn you, Jack Rafferty," she hissed.

He tried to smile, and failed. "There's no doubt about that, Lissa."

She smacked him, a hard, stinging crack across the face that surprised them both. "Don't you dare be flip." Her voice cracked, frayed. Tears flooded her eyes and clogged her throat. "Don't you dare...."

Tess squeezed her eyes shut and fought for a shred of self-control. She had to be cool and composed, had to

360

r

calmly and rationally convince Jack?and Ed?that this was all a horrible mistake.

She tried to find the scientific detachment that had always come so naturally, but it was gone now, buried beneath an avalanche of terror. She pressed a shaking, ice-cold hand to her throat. She couldn't find it within herself to be rational. It felt as if her insides were melting, crumbling away. Everything she'd ever wanted, ever dreamed of, was here, standing in front of her, close enough to kiss. And it was slipping beyond her grasp like an elusive fog.

The wagon pulled up in front of them. "Whoa, boy," Ed Warbass said, reining the horse to a stop.

Jack looked up. "Hi, Ed."

Ed pulled the hat off his head and crushed it in his lap. "Hi, Jack." He nodded at Tess. "Miz Rafferty."

She ran up to the wagon, clutching at the splintery wooden side. "He didn't do it, Ed. I swear he didn't do it."

Ed glanced uncomfortably at Jack. "He says different," he answered quietly.

Tess spun around, running back to Jack. "Don't do this, Jack, please. Please."

He didn't look at her, and somehow that hurt more than any slap she could imagine.

Anger revitalized her. "No, goddamn it!" She turned to Warbass. "He didn't do it. Don't listen to him, he's?"

"Crazy," Jack said flatly.

Tess reeled back around. "Damn it, Jack, you're not crazy. You're just ... afraid."

"Good-bye, Lissa."

The ground seemed to tilt suddenly. Tess swayed unsteadily. The knot of fear unwound, spilling through her blood in an icy stream. Her insides felt hot and shaky. "Oh, Jack ..."

He turned to her then, and the movement was slow and

361

wooden. His face was a cold, emotionless mask, without smile or frown. To someone who didn't know him, he looked like a cold-blooded killer.

Except for his eyes. In the green depths was a pain so raw and consuming, Tess knew it was taking all of his self-control not to crack. His mouth trembled slightly, then drew back into a taut line. "Why?" she whispered. "I have to protect my family."

Tess swallowed thickly. "We're safe with you, Jack. Not without you." She took a step toward him, rested her hand on his chest. "Never without you."

He leaned down and kissed her. It was a short, bittersweet kiss that ended all too soon. "I love you," he whispered against her forehead when finally he pulled away. Tess threw her arms around him and clung to him. Huge, desperate sobs racked her body and scalded her eyes. Her heart was an empty, aching lump in her throat. "Please, don't do this. Please, oh, please, oh, please."

Gently he pushed her away. "I have to, Lissa." His voice thickened and cracked. "I have to."

Tess sagged and almost fell. It felt as if every bone in her body were being slowly, painfully crushed. Her tears turned him into a tall, black-haired blur against a solemn gray sky.

"Good-bye, Lissa."