Deep 6 (Multiple Love)

"Who the fuck is this?" Tina shouts. "All of a sudden, there's a new girl in town, and you're all fawning over her."

"Leave it, Tina," Tyler says, mouthing “Sorry” to me.

"Yo, Tina," a big guy shouts from the other side of the road. In a flash, she's gone, tottering across the road on her killer heels, switching her hips like she's on a fashion runway, not a run-down deserted road in the ass-end of the town.

"That girl is going to get herself into trouble," Andrew mutters.

"That's why she always comes around us," Greg says. "She knows there's not going to be any trouble for her here. The same can't be said for those guys." He nods his head over to where Tina is currently sandwiched between two huge guys. One has his tongue down her throat and the other his hand in the back of her bikini bottoms. I don't get the feeling that she asked for the attention either.

"Poor girl." I shake my head, pulling down the cuffs of my sweater so they cover my hands. The night chill has set in, and even in a jacket, I'm feeling a little cold.

The car behind Greg's cranks up the tunes. It's something from the vaults of old-school hip-hop, and some of the people in the crowd start to dance. It's a race meet, but it's also a social event. I feel like a fish out of water amongst these people. I wonder what my students would think of me attending one of these events. They'd probably freak out.

But as much as I feel uncomfortable, I'm also happy to see another part of Tyler's life, even if it is a dangerous one. He’s been lost to me for so long. Each hour we spend together is like reading another chapter of his story.

The cars that are participating in the first race take their positions. Even though it's an illegal race, someone has taped a yellow marker across the road, and there is a man dressed in black on the start line with a pistol. The first race has a blue car with lightning down the side pitted against a darker blue vehicle with a white stripe. Both have two huge round silver exhausts, which rumble as they rev the engines. It's all for effect. Even I know that much. The noisier the engine, the more their opponent is going to worry the engine is more powerful.

"My money's on lightning," Damien says.

"You think?" Andrew shoves his hands in his pockets, cocking his head to one side. Of all of the Deep six, he's the one who's the most reserved.

"Yeah. That guy has a death wish. It's always the ones who love treading the line between life and death who win because they're not scared to take the necessary risks."

Andrew faces back out to the cars that are getting ready for the start. Brake lights flash, and engines rev until it's hard to hear any kind of conversation, but I'm close enough to Andrew not to miss what he says next. "Is that why Tyler always wins?"

Damien doesn't hear, so there is no discussion about Andrew's theory, but a swelling feeling of anxiety wells inside me. Does Tyler have a death wish? He always loved riding his motorcycle, but he was careful and responsible. I never worried that he'd have an accident that was his fault. If something bad happened, it was going to be the other driver that caused it.

What's changed?

Is it Jake's death? Is that why he's living life like it's disposable? Is that why he wants to share me with these men?

I don't really understand anything that's happening in my life right now. I feel like the wheels of the vehicles as they speed away, leaving behind a belch of fumes and a sound so loud my eardrums hurt. All the things I'd achieved after Tyler have gone, and I'm back in the same place I was, without roots to hold me in place.

Connie wasn't so different from me. She had a job she hated and an apartment that was so small you could barely swing a cat. She needed something different in her life and found it with the Banburys. Is it weak of me to want to find the same thing?

But these men aren't the Banburys. They're rougher around the edges. They're not brothers by blood but by choice. Life experiences brought them together. Could I build something with them that could be as good as what Connie has?

Should I even try?

I'm not coming into this with a life that's fulfilling and stable. In a couple of weeks, my bank account will be dry. I'll be a burden. Maybe they'll think that I'm just with them so they can pick up the bills. That's not the kind of woman I want to be.