Beauty in the Ashes

But more than that, I had to escape Marcus and this was the only way.

I should’ve done it a long time ago.

Coming here was supposed to be a fresh start.

It wasn’t anymore and I had nowhere left to go.

As I stripped my clothes and lowered into the steaming water I felt comfortable with my decision.

I’d thought about killing myself many times.

Daily, even.

Like I’d told Caelan, the only thing that always stopped me was that I’d be letting Marcus win.

I realized now, that even if I was alive he won.

He always won, because I lived in a constant state of suffering. I may have depressed it, but it was always there, threatening to choke me.

He ruined me.

Pretending to be okay wasn’t going to work anymore. I’d always worry that he lurked in the background ready to destroy any life I created.

I sank below the surface of the water.

I opened my eyes, staring at the cloudy ceiling of the bathroom. It wasn’t my first choice of what I’d like to look at as I died, but it was all I was going to get.

I opened my mouth and let the water enter my lungs.

I began to choke and sputter—my body fighting the need to get air. My hands dug into the sides of the tub as I forced myself to stay submerged. My feet kicked on their own—my body fighting against the demise my brain so clearly wanted.

Spots danced across my vision and my eyes grew heavy.

My last thought before everything disappeared was: Drowning is a lot like falling asleep. Peaceful.

???

Caelan

“Sutton?” I stood outside the bathroom. The sounds of splashing had gotten my attention. What the hell was she doing in there? “Sutton?” I called her name again, jiggling the locked doorknob. “Are you okay?” No answer. More splashing. Something was seriously wrong. “Sutton!” I yelled her name, thumping my fist against the door. “Let me in!”

The splashing stopped and with it an icy dread trickled down my back.

“SUTTON!” My scream echoed through the whole building.

I hit my shoulder against the door, trying to force it open, but it didn’t work.

I took a step away, cocked my leg back and kicked as hard as I could. I had to get to her. I had to stop this.

The door flew open, slamming against the opposite wall with the force.

I ran inside and dropped to my knees, which quickly became drenched with water.

“Oh God,” I breathed, choking on the bile quickly rising in my throat. “Sutton!” I cried. My arms wrapped around her as I pulled her naked body from the bathtub. I smacked my hand against her cheek. “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” Her head lolled to the side. I frantically pressed my fingers against her neck, searching for a pulse. Nothing. I tried her wrist next. There was no flutter of life. She was fucking gone and there’s was nothing I could do. Just like last time I was helpless. “You can’t die, please. I need you,” I sobbed. I didn’t know I could cry so hard. “Please, I love you. Don’t do this to me! I live for you, Sutton! Without you there’s nothing else! You can’t die. You just can’t.” I cried against her wet neck, drenching it further with my tears. I felt like what was left of my soul had been ripped from my body and was now being violently stepped on. I wasn’t okay. This wasn’t okay. I didn’t know what to do. It was like my brain had suddenly stopped working and I was at a loss.

“Phone,” I mumbled to myself. “Get your phone dumb ass.”

My hands fumbled through my pockets but it wasn’t there.