Bring Me Back

“Blaire?” she says again and I realize I haven’t spoken.

“It’s Ben,” I say, and my voice is almost unrecognizable to myself. “You need to come to the hospital. Now.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” she says, and I can already hear her bustling around her room. “Hang in there, Blaire.”

I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know if I can,” I say, but she’s already gone.

The cab lets me off at the emergency room doors. I throw a wad of cash at him. I don’t know how much it is or if I even have enough to cover the cost. I don’t care. All I can think about is Ben.

Ben.

I feel like there’s a hole in my heart and someone’s tearing at the edges, damaging it beyond recognition. I’ve never been more scared in all my life.

He’ll be okay, I tell myself.

What if he’s not? I ask.

I don’t know.

I rush into the hospital and the glass doors whoosh open and closed behind me. I run up to the counter and the women working there look up.

“Can I help you?” one says in a pleasant, calm tone.

“M-My fiancé,” I stutter, out of breath, “h-he was brought in. I think he’s in surgery.”

“Name?” She blinks up at me, no urgency in her tone.

I know she’s trying to be helpful, but I want to bash her head in. “Benjamin Carter.”

“Let me look.” She taps her fingers against the lacquered table and scans the computer. “It looks like he’s still in surgery, but you’re welcome to wait in the waiting room.” She points to the plastic blue and green chairs.

I take a deep breath. “That’s it? That’s all you can tell me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not at liberty—”

I hold up a hand. “Got it.”

I take a seat in the corner by the double doors. I want to be there, ready and waiting, for any doctor or nurse that comes out.

A short time later, one does, and it’s Laura. It’s clear she’s looking for me. When she spots me, almost immediately, she rushes toward me in a determined gait.

“Blaire,” she breathes out a sigh of relief, “do you know anything?”

“Me? No. I was hoping you knew something.” She shakes her head, nibbling on her bottom lip. “I was on the team treating him when he first came in, but he was rushed into surgery. It’s not likely any of us will get any updates on him.”

My chest seizes. “How bad was it?” I ask her, wiping at the snot running out of my nose. “Be honest with me, Laura. I need to know. I need to … ”

To what? Prepare myself. That’s absurd. He’s going to be fine.

She winces. “Blaire—”

I grab her hand and hold on tight. “Don’t lie to me. Is it really as bad as you said when you called?

She makes a face. “Worse,” she whispers.

I close my eyes and a lone tear leaks out of the corner of my eye. I don’t even have the energy to wipe it away. My breath passes between my lips and I count to three before opening my eyes.

“I’m going to lose him, aren’t I?” The words feel like knives clawing at my throat.