When Constellations Form (Light in the Dark 4)

The doctor covers the wand thing in what looks like a condom … and I think he adds lube.

“What the fuck is happening?” I mutter.

“Relax,” he urges.

There’s no chance in hell of that. I’m too wired.

I grab Xander’s hand as the doctor eases the probe inside.

It’s not that bad, but it does feel weird, and then …

“Holy fucking shit is that the baby?” I ask, looking at the screen. “It looks like an alien! Or a blob! Is that even human?”

The doctor chuckles, pressing some buttons. “Yes, that’s your baby. Right there.” He points to the screen at the round bean-looking little shape. “You’re measuring around six weeks pregnant.” He presses a few more buttons and whooshing sound fills the room. “And that is your baby’s heartbeat. Sometimes six weeks is too early to hear it, but the transvaginal probe usually can pick it up.”

I look over at Xander, my stunned expression mirroring his.

Tears fill his eyes and slowly spill over.

“You’re crying?” I ask stupidly, and then I begin to cry too, because holy shit that’s our baby.

The doctor lets us listen for a moment longer and then takes some more pictures.

“There’s only one in there, right?” I ask, the idea of twins suddenly occurring to me.

I can barely handle one baby, let alone two.

He laughs. “Only one. Looks like you’re going to be due around the end of February. I’d say the twentieth. I’m going to print off some ultrasound photos for you.” He smiles kindly.

I look over at Xander, and he’s still staring in awe at the little bean on the screen.

That’s seriously what it looks like—a bean. It’s beyond me how that thing is a baby.

“When can we find out the gender?” I ask.

“Usually sometime between sixteen and twenty weeks you’ll have an appointment and if the baby is cooperating the technician will be able to see. If the baby is being stubborn you’ll probably have to come back.”

Xander chuckles and squeezes my hand. “If the baby is anything like you, it’ll be incredibly stubborn and we won’t know what it is until it comes out.”

“It better cooperate,” I mumble, looking down at my flat stomach. “I have to know what kind of clothes to buy and how to decorate.”

Xander laughs, and stands up beside me, brushing his fingers soothingly through my hair.

“I can’t believe that’s our baby,” I whisper.

The doctor pulls the probe from me and the image of the baby disappears.

“I should warn you, that you are still very early in your pregnancy and any number of random things could happen, resulting in miscarriage. Typically we look at twelve weeks as the all clear—something could still happen, but your chances drop significantly.”

He hands me a stack of ultrasound photos.

“Those are for you. Do you have any questions for me?”

“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “How did this happen?” I blush. “Okay, I know how, but … we weren’t trying and I’m on birth control.”

“Birth control isn’t one-hundred percent and can be affected by any number of things. Were you recently on antibiotics for anything?”

“Yes … and the timing lines up perfectly.”