When Constellations Form (Light in the Dark 4)

I look at myself in the mirror, shocked by how much my belly has popped in the last week. What sucks is, I’m at that awkward stage where people can’t tell if I’m actually pregnant or just gaining weight.

I poke at my stomach and make a face.

It’s just weird to think that there’s a baby in there. I haven’t felt it move yet, and the doctor said I might be twenty weeks along or more before I feel the baby move. He said it would be a few weeks after that before Xander would be able to feel it and notice it on the outside. I think he was a little disappointed by that fact. I’m growing the thing, though, so I should be the one to feel it first, let’s be real.

I think about calling the girls to meet me at the mall but I know they hate shopping, and they’re both busy with work and photography.

I let Prue back inside and then I head out to the mall. There’s one about thirty minutes away. There’s a smaller one closer, but who has time for that? If I’m going to shop I want to do it right.

Finding a close parking spot proves to be a challenge.

I drive around and around until I finally catch someone pulling out. I snag their spot, while someone honks at me, but I’m pregnant so I get dibs.

I grab my purse and head inside.

I have no idea what I’m looking for, so when I reach the store I ask for help. I have zero experience shopping while pregnant, so I figure it’s best to leave this to the professionals.

A couple hours later, and loaded down with bags, I make my way back through the mall.

And then I have to go and pass the stupid fucking Pottery Barn Kids and see all the cute stuff through the glass.

So, I mean, of course, I have to stop and look.

An oval crib calls to me, and I walk over, admiring it. It’s decorated with navy blues and grays for a boy, with a little, stuffed elephant sitting inside the crib.

I spot a pale pink and cream bedding set and something in my heart lurches.

One day soon I’m going to be bringing home a little baby boy or girl, to a room decorated like any of these little sets.

That’s crazy to think about.

Emotion overcomes and I begin to cry.

“Ma’am, are you okay?” a worker calls out.

“Fine,” my voice is thick with tears. “Hormones,” I explain.

This has been happening a lot lately, at random times too. Like yesterday, I cried because Xander clapped at something on TV and it scared me.

He felt awful.

I felt like an idiot.

I take a few deep breaths and manage to calm myself. “I’m sorry,” I say to the worker.

She smiles and holds out a tissue to me. “It happens more than you’d think.”

I take the tissue gratefully. “Thanks.” I dry my eyes.

“Can I help you find anything?” she asks.

I shake my head. “Not yet. I don’t want to buy anything until we know if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“When are you due?” She smiles kindly, not at all bothered by my sniffles.

“February twentieth.”

“Well, we’ll see you soon then.”