Broken Hearts (Light in the Dark 5)

I hear his words, but I don’t believe them. I know if it was Jace and me, he’d find a way to let me know he was still there for me.

Then why hasn’t he called or text since you left? He’s probably already moved on.

I close my eyes and tell the voice inside my head to shove it. I left. I broke his heart. As much as I’d love to hear from him, I know I don’t deserve to. I’m the one who has to break the silence. I know it, but I’m not ready to do it yet.

“Sure,” I reply, and he makes a face like he doesn’t like that response.

Our food is placed before us and I use it as an excuse to not talk to him.

My mind keeps spinning and it keeps landing on one word.

Jace.

It’s dark out by the time we arrive back at Owen’s apartment.

“I’m going to go for a walk,” I tell him.

He pauses, his body curving toward mine. “Do you want me to go with you?”

I shake my head. “No, I’d like some time to think.”

He nods in understanding. “Be careful.”

“I will,” I promise, and watch him disappear inside the building.

The streets are quiet with little traffic here. I have no destination in mind, I only know I need to walk.

The further away from Owen’s apartment I get, the easier I can breathe.

I wander with no destination in mind. Eventually, I come across a wrought iron gate and, unable to help myself, I open it.

I step inside a little bit of paradise surrounded by the chaos of the city.

It’s a garden, lush green trees and flowers. So many flowers. It’s not a large garden, but somehow it gives off the illusion it’s bigger than it is.

I look around, a smile on my lips. I touch my fingers to a purple iris and it vibrates from my touch. I spot a bench and sit down.

A place like this is something you only think exists in dreams. There’s something magical about it.

As if conjured by my thoughts, tiny fairy lights strung through the trees come on.

I have no idea if this place is public or private, I probably should have checked before wandering into the unknown, but it’s so beautiful I can’t bring myself to care.

I sit for a while, enjoying the cool night summer air, still slightly sticky with a hint of humidity, before I pull out a notebook and pen from my bag.

I open it to a clean page, resting it on my crossed legs, and hesitate.

After a moment I begin.

Dear Beckett,

I held you in my body for seven months. I felt you move, and every time you did it made me smile. I heard your heart and it was the greatest sound I’ve ever heard. I loved you so much and so did your daddy. I still love you—we both do. It hurts that you can’t be here with us now, but I’m glad I got to hold you for the time I did. Even though you weren’t here with us then, I hope you still felt my arms around you.

Even though you’re not here with us, I keep reminding myself you’ll always live in our hearts. I’m terrified I might forget you, and I think that’s why I’m holding o

n so tight, but I know there’s no way that can happen. Your life might’ve been too short, but in that time I loved you with more love than I knew I had in my body. Which is saying something, because I love your older brother and daddy very much.

I hope wherever you are, you can feel my love, and know I think about you every day.