Always Wanting (Consumed)

His lips quirk up into a smile when he bends to her level again. I like that he doesn’t tower over her when he speaks to her.

“We can, but it’s going to be our secret. Don’t tell Grandma, or she’ll have my butt for giving you ice cream before dinner. Deal?”

She nods her head vigorously and says, “Deal!” She kisses his cheek, and my heart melts a little.

Blue chuckles and climbs to his feet, lovingly patting her head. I laugh as she jumps up and down in excitement at the prospect of getting ice cream with her uncle. She obviously loves him a great deal. The feeling is mutual by the way he looks at her.

Blue faces me when I laugh, but I turn away from him, gathering up the crayons and coloring book Lizzy was using. I walk over to the shelf to store the coloring book and place the crayons in the bin. Blue’s still watching me once I’m done.

“It was great having Lizzy today,” I tell him, giving myself something to say. I wish he would leave. Being near him isn’t helping my libido. “I look forward to seeing her again tomorrow.”

“Can we talk privately?”

I force a smile and portray remorse when I shake my head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Mrs. Morris and I still have several things we need to do here before we leave.” There’s no way I can be alone with him right now.

He nods, but I can tell he doesn’t like my answer from the barely visible tick in his jaw.

“Come on, Unca Colt!” Lizzy yells from across the room. “Let’s get some ice cream!”

He looks at me for several more seconds, before turning to walk to Lizzy, who is not so patiently waiting for him at the door.

He only takes a few steps, before he turns back to me. “I’ll see you later,” he says pointedly.

I’m not sure what he means by that, but I give him a shrug anyway.

Before I realize what I’m doing, my eyes watch his ass as he walks out the door, him and Lizzy holding hands.

Later that evening, me, Ava, and Nathan are back at Blackie’s. Tegan had to work late, and didn’t know if he’d be able to make it later or not. I’m hoping tonight goes better than last night. I down my fourth shot of straight Jack and slam the glass down on the table, trying my damnedest to ignore the bastard cramps and shakes. The burn down my throat isn’t as strong as it was for the first two shots.

My eyes catch Nathan looking at me, worried.

“What are you looking at?” I yell over the loud music, proud that my voice only slurs slightly.

He leans over the table to be heard better and asks, “You okay?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” I play dumb.

Dumb is one thing Nathan isn’t. He’s quiet and watchful, and always knows when something is off with one of us. Tonight is no different.

“You’ve been off the last couple days.”

“Have not,” I mumble, but he still catches it.

He raises his brow, not ready to let me get away with my answer. He knows for a fact I’ve been off, especially last night.

I look away from him when I say, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Just as I’d feared, he doesn’t let it go. He reaches across and turns my head back with a finger to my chin.

“Is it about that guy you met Saturday night?”

I love Nathan, but sometimes I really don’t like him. He never lets me just stew in my feelings in peace. Of course, after using him the way I did last night, I guess he does kind of deserve to know what’s going on.

I came to Blackie’s with the same intentions as every other night; to find a guy that’ll satisfy my addiction. Last night was different, though. The cramps and shakes were worse than normal, and I was drenched in sweat, but there wasn’t one guy in the place that appealed to me. There were plenty to choose from, and I tried—I fucking tried hard—to find someone that would fit what I needed, but not one damn guy was acceptable for what I was looking for. My body was giving me mixed feelings. I felt the insistent need to have sex, but I also felt revulsion for any guy I looked at.

And I have no doubt it’s all fucking Colt’s fault.

Blue.