Beautifully Broken

“She okay?” Cooper asks, his voice coming from behind us.

I look over my shoulder. Both he and Logan are a few steps behind, unzipping their graduation gowns. Crossing the grassy knoll with long strides to catch up. I smile, my head a little loopy from the pain. “I’m fine. You guys are gonna miss the cap toss.”

Rex stops walking and turns us to face them. Stopping is probably a good thing. Knowing Mamma T, she probably saw us leave the stadium and will be here soon with Gretchen. I doubt Mr. H will show his face. Not with Mamma T around.

Logan takes his cap off his head and tosses it in the air. “There,” he says as it falls to the ground. “Cap tossed.”

I giggle and wince. Laughing hurts. Everything hurts.

“Here,” Cooper says digging in his pocket. He pulls out an orange prescription bottle. “I swiped these from mom thinking you might need them sooner than later.” He twists the cap and shakes out two white pills, so big they look like a horse should be taking them. He drops them in my hand and I try to figure out how I’m gonna get these down my throat.

“And what exactly is she going to swallow them with?” Mamma T asks. She twists the cap off her water and hands it to me. “Good plan, Son, but poor execution.”

“I tried mom,” he says.

Logan shoves his hands in his pockets. “This feels so final.”

I toss the pills in my mouth and take a swig of water. They lodge themselves in my throat, requiring another sip before finally going down. Rex squeezes my hip. I love how he knows just what to do to make me feel better “What do you mean?”

“Well, you and Rex are married now,” Logan says. “I’m going to Florida state, Coop’s headed to Gainesville. It just feels like this is the last time we’re ever gonna be like this.”

“We’re only a few hours from each other,” Rex says. “It won’t be that bad.”

Logan shakes his head. I see it again, the storm brewing behind his eyes. Too many major moments have happened this week. All things he probably never thought he’d face alone. “I don’t know.”

Cooper puts an arm over Logan’s shoulder in true brotherly fashion. “Stop being so cryptic little brother. We’re family. Worst case scenario we have the holidays.”

“You’re only five minutes older than me, dick.”

“And that makes me five minutes smarter.”

I roll my eyes. Eighteen years old, and nothing changes. They’re still the same as they were when I moved in ten years ago.

“Well,” Mamma T says, “I should go. Your Dad is here, probably looking for you, and I don’t want to see that man.”

“Me too. I’ve got a flight to catch,” Gretchen adds with a sad smile.

“I’ll drive you,” Mamma T offers, clearly wanting to get as far from her ex-husband as possible. We exchange hugs and watch our moms walk away together. I’ve given up calling them our non-moms because, let's face it. These women raised us. They deserve the title more than the ladies who pushed us out of their vaginas.

When Mamma T and Gretchen are gone the four of us stand there, staring at each other. Logan’s right, change is in the air and when we walk away nothing will be the same. Maybe that’s why we’re still here. Maybe no one’s ready to say goodbye yet. “I hate to do this,” Rex says apparently unaware of the change in the air, “but we’ve got to get you home for a nap if you want to see Bane tonight.”

“How’s he doing?” Cooper asks.

“They stopped the bleeding,” Rex tells him. He’s been amazing, going over to the hospital daily to check on Bane while I was held prisoner by my own. Bane’s dad did a number on him. Gerald beat him until he was unconscious and then some. He’s got a long recovery ahead, but I have no doubt he’ll make it through. “He’s a trooper.”

“Alright.” I walk to Logan first and wrap my arms around his waist, snuggling into his chest. I don’t know if it’s the painkillers kicking in or some psychological bullshit, but I feel nothing. Just the warmth of arms around me. It’s nice. Logan rests his chin on my head, both hands pulling me into him. We stay this way a moment before I say, “This isn’t goodbye Logan.”

His body rocks as he nods. The movement is uncomfortable for my shoulder but not painful thanks to those magical drugs. I pull back and look up into his eyes. “You’re not leaving for three weeks. I expect everything to be the same and for you to Facetime me at least once a week after you move into your dorm.”

“You got it Pipes.” He takes a step back for Cooper’s turn.

I turn to Cooper and hold my arms out. He does this half-laugh-smile thing I haven’t seen him do in ages and steps into the embrace. His arms wrap around me, pulling me tight against his body. I bury my nose in his chest, enjoying our hug for the first time in years. He dips his head, kissing my crown and I look up at him. Something passes between us, a glimmer of what used to be and could have been. I understand why he was so upset with me dating Rex this year. We could have been great, but the cards didn’t fall that way. Cooper must notice it too because his smile falls and he takes a step back. “Just because you’re married now doesn’t mean you get to be a stranger,” he says sticking his hands in his pockets.

“Never.”

“Ready, Babe?” Rex steps forward and holds his hand out. I reach behind me and lace my fingers with his. Walking towards Rex’s car, he slips his hand around my waist pulling me closer. The reality of today hits me full force. I’m married. I graduated. I was fucking shot!

He opens the passenger door for me and waits while I get in. “Babe? Are you okay?”